- Whhheeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!

10 Suggestions as To How Vettel COULD Win the 2019 Drivers’ Championship

6w ago

1.8K

So, another year passes by and with it the dream of Sebastian Vettel to claim his own little bit of Formula One history; and his equalling of Fangio’s 5 World Driver’s Championship medals. While some F1 pundits will cite the Ferrari car as being not quite up to the job of matching the Silver Arrow of Mercedes AMG blow for blow, others will (albeit politely and respectfully) imply that driver error contributed to the German from falling by the championship wayside, from roughly Monza onwards. And being biased, Drivl is obviously going to seize on the latter point of view and run with it for the sake of a few hits.

But rather than mock the afflicted and kick a good man when he’s down, Drivl chooses to adopt a more mature stance and address ways in which it/us/me/I next year might prove more fruitful to the Vettel cause; and therein, Ferrari’s. In the aftermath of dissecting each and every race of the current 2018 season so far, Drivl has compiled what it believes to be the fundamental reasons behind Vettel’s capitulation at the hands of the dominant and all-conquering Hamilton and Mercedes double act. Scrutinising all the key aspects which negatively impacted Vettel’s pursuit of glory, we offer what we consider to be 10 ways in which the German could reverse his fortunes in 2019. That is of course, proving Hamilton has 20-odd bad days at the office….

10. TOYS

By ensuring that all his toys in his pram are secure/locked down before leaving the grid

9. REGRESSION THERAPY

By change his birth certificate, so as to make him older than 14. And to make sure that Vettel’s birth name, Kevin is also changed by deed poll

8. MINOR SURGERY

By agreeing to undergo a petulance bypass procedure during the close season

7. VOCAB SHIFT

By eradicating the word ‘strop’ from his dictionary

6. STEEP LEARNING CURVES

By taking advanced lessons in grid getaways and first corner track positioning

5. IDENTITY THEFT

By disguising himself as Mercedes’ Number 2 driver, Bottas, and assume the Finnish driver's professional life every race weekend

4. CHANGING HABITS

By pledging his allegiance to the Lord (not the dark one) and becoming a part-time monk. This way he can self-administer meditation techniques between GPs. But drop the monk’s hairstyle, yeah yeah….

3. AVOIDANCE TECHNIQUES

By avoiding;

A) lock-ups on European street circuits

B) shunting the driver directly in front of him under safety car

C) Hockenheim barriers

D) Ambitious Suzuka overtakes

E) Contact with Bottas/Hamilton/all Red Bulls/any other car on the grid

2. BEING SNEAKY

By letting the air down in the tyres of Mercedes car number 44 when nobody is looking

1. PLAYING MUSICAL CHAIRS

By sensationally quitting Ferrari before the 2019 season starts and instead signing for the promising (yet cloak and dagger) Formula One newcomer, CERN; and announcing he’ll be driving the Large Hadron Collider

#smalltribesrule #lol #formula1 #f1 #formulaone

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