11 F***scariest Cars for Hallowe’en: With the Apostrophe in the Right Place
Forget Michael Myers, clowns, the girl who drags herself out of your TV set in that Japanese horror and Pat Sharp’s mullet, Hallowe’en can be equally as frightening when you’re out on the roads. Because it’s out there, on the roads, where you could easily encounter the sort of cars which would give you nightmares for a very, VERY long time. Especially if you’re of a nervous disposition; or simply benefit from 20/20 vision.
Beneath, Drivl has compiled what it believes to be the 11 Fuckscariest Cars for Hallowe’en (apostrophe still in the correct position, please note), after undertaking some pretty exhaustive research. So, with this in mind, if there are any young children close by right now, we would suggest as responsible parents you avert their eyes from your screen. While Drivl just hopes that said young children are actually related to you, so we don’t have to alert the appropriate authorities.
Admittedly, cars come in all shapes and sizes, and not all of them can look like a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG, we accept this. Yet by the same token, those cars which aren’t a Mercedes-Benz SLS AMG don’t have to look like something that belongs in the garage of the house featured in the Amityville Horror, as most of the following examples do. No, a car is something we should love and cherish and want to drive and stare at and photograph against sunsets, and invite our friends and families to ride in with us; essentially everything you could NEVER aspire to do in a Ford Scorpio.
Feel free to suggest any cars you think Drivl might have accidentally omitted from this list in the comments section at the bottom, remembering to chastise us for our rank amateurism at the same time. Anyway, in no particular semblance of order/preference, the candidates;
11. Paranormal X90vity
They were once all around us, communicating with us. The last thing you would want to do however, is attempt to capture CCTV footage of this now unseen freak of nature.
10. The Scorpiocist
Have you ever clapped eyes on a more disturbing car?! The sort which could play on your mind long after its tortured soul had been crushed at a vehicle dismantler’s yard.
9. The VW Type 181!
Don’t be fooled by the family-friendly VW badge, this is one sick, twisted muthaf****ing 'Thing' which will leave you emotionally scarred forever.
8. The Blair Rodius Project
It’s no good calling out to Josh, as Josh is long gone. As your nerves will be, if and when that most blood-curdling of sentences ever rings out. The one which nervously asks if the Ssangyong Rodius in the car park is yours.
Few things are as genuinely spine-chilling as the sight of a Fiat Multipla, any night of the year. Yet on Hallowe’en this feeling of fear and dread (and a shit load of loathing) is Multipla’d.
6. PT Cruistein
Nobody should ever have to face a PT Cruiser Convertible without sedation. Or an elephant gun. As an experiment, surely even Chrysler concluded that it all went hideously wrong.
5. The Pontiac Aztec Massacre
A car so unnerving that only those families who isolate themselves from normal society could ever accommodate one in their dysfunctional lives.
Never think about watching an X6 alone, otherwise you’ll be haunted by visions of it for weeks. Our advice to you is this. If you insist on looking at this BMW, do it in broad daylight with the curtains wide open. And then watch a cartoon marathon thereafter.
3. JEEPer's Creeper's
You just know it’s out there, somewhere right now, as you read this. But you don’t know at what sudden juncture a Lamborghini LM002 could make its grotesquely-disfigured presence felt. Remain vigilant people….
2. The Mantis
It’s not just during the night you have to worry about things going bump. Not if/when you cross roads with the Mantis. Something which prays on your mind forever more.
1. Night of the Living Maxi
Like its typical owner demographic, there’s something very much ‘of the undead’ about the Maxi. And just like a zombie, no good will ever come of meeting/giving garage space to one.