15 of the Worst car names ever

A rose by any other name would smell as sweet but that line isn't going to hack it in the car selling business. It's a tough thing to get right, naming cars. You've got to make sure the name appeals to the right customer, broadly explains what the car's about and is memorable.

Unfortunately the following 15 cars were memorable for all the wrong reasons. Need a little bit of school humour to see you through the mid-week slump? Then have I got a list for you.

1) Mazda LaPuta

You'll find one of these hanging around dark street corners.

You'll find one of these hanging around dark street corners.

When you hear this name you're meant to think of Swift's novel, Gulliver's Travels. Unfortunately if you speak Spanish you're going to think about whores rather than the adventure classic.

2) Ford Probe

It does look a little bit like a suppository.

It does look a little bit like a suppository.

Ford has a habit of picking names that are unfortunate, even without translating them into another language. Although even then, the Ford Pinto means "Ford tiny penis".

3) Ford ESCORT

I once found an advert for Ford's Escorts in the back of a magazine and got really confused.

I once found an advert for Ford's Escorts in the back of a magazine and got really confused.

See above. What is it with naming cars after things that potentially mean prostitute?

4) Mitsubishi Pajero

Of course the only image I could find was of one in white.

Of course the only image I could find was of one in white.

In Spanish, panjero means "wanker". In Spanish speaking countries they called it a Montero instead. What would have been wrong with all of them being called Montero everywhere?

5) Nissan Moco

I looked for a green one especially for you.

I looked for a green one especially for you.

"Moco" in Spanish means "mucus" or "booger". Just goes to show how carefully you need to pick your Moco's name.

6) Buick LaCrosse

Just off for a Buick Lacrosse.

Just off for a Buick Lacrosse.

For the teenage population of French speaking Quebec, "Lacrosse" means to masturbate.

7) Chevrolet Nova

Runs when parked.

Runs when parked.

In Spanish, the words "No va" translate to "It doesn't go". Supposedly this car was meant to have sold so badly in Spanish speaking territories it became a case study in business schools. Alas, it is but an urban legend.

8) Honda Fitta

Let us not forget that a "Jazz Mag" is also a very special thing.

Let us not forget that a "Jazz Mag" is also a very special thing.

AKA the Honda Jazz outside the US. But Scandinavians in the US had to cover their eyes every time one of these drove by. The word fitta is a rather course term for female genitalia in Swedish and Norwegian. Interestingly the word "Vito" would also cause a well-mannered Swede to blush and is the name of a Mercedes-Benz. Are there any words in Swedish which don't mean c***?

9) Dodge Dart Swinger

Swing and a miss.

Swing and a miss.

Do you keep your car keys in a bowl? With lots of other keys? At a party? Oh you play baseball. My bad.

10) Q8

There's only one petrol station you can go to if you're going to drive the Q8.

There's only one petrol station you can go to if you're going to drive the Q8.

If you're an international company like Audi, you know that this naming business is an absolute mine-field. So it must be a real face-palm moment when you think you've cracked the international naming game and reach "Q8" in your car line and then some twerp says, "Like the country?"

11) Nissan Homy Super Long

There was also a car called a Bighorn which to me just sounds like a dinosaur rather than anything dirty.

There was also a car called a Bighorn which to me just sounds like a dinosaur rather than anything dirty.

You read that as 'horny' didn't you?

12) Mazda Bongo Friendee

I've never wanted to be friends with a vehicle as much I as I do right now.

I've never wanted to be friends with a vehicle as much I as I do right now.

This one is just plain funny.

13) Studebaker Dictator

TBF it does look a bit like Ceaușescu.

TBF it does look a bit like Ceaușescu.

This one isn't so much funny as just unfortunate. Studebaker named this in 1927. It's not like they had a crystal ball to tell them what was coming.

14) SUBARU BRAT

Looks a bit ratty.

Looks a bit ratty.

It's actually an acronym - Bi-drive Recreational All-terrain Transporter. What makes this name worse is that the full name makes it sound like someone was deliberately trying to make it fit the acronym BRAT. Even 2-RAT would have been better.

15) HUMMER

No.

No.

"Hello, I'd like to buy a Hummer to go with my Escort and LaPuta because my girlfriend's Fitta has packed up." That sentence exists on the internet now.

Got any others to add? Bung 'em in the comments below.