Are you sure you want me to wave this now?
Well, where to start?
Following on from a not too exciting (and that is being kind) Monaco Grand Prix, F1 went to Canada, where races are always great, right?
This was beyond dire.
Sebastian Vettel won from pole and apart from Lance Stroll and Brendon Hartley giving us some much needed entertainment on lap one, that was it.
I have no idea who else finished where, as I fell into a coma around lap 30, and right now, I'm too busy trying to appease my wife, who had to miss Antiques Roadshow and Poldark for me to watch this appalling race.
The coverage started with a supermodel (and activist, though they did not say what for), telling us she was not a fan of F1.
Of course, who better to wave the chequered flag?
Here then, is the race, such as it was, in 15 tweets...
1 - Those sunglasses might be grounds for divorce though...
2 - Is that rock at the back to throw at the engineers?
3 - And he'd do a better job than most!
4 - And then THE F1 MUSIC STARTS!
5 - Lap one and Brendon Hartley's short F1 career is probably now done.
6 - If you can't go past, go over..
7 - Stroll on Claire.
8 - Half distance and if Toto can't stay awake, the rest of us are done for.
9 - And he hopes to keep going for 24 hours at Le Mans?
10 - Come back Monaco, all is forgiven.
11 - YES! MALDONADO IS BACK!
12 - It was a THRILLER! For 15 seconds.
13 - Please make it end soon..
14 - I'm a celebrity, get me in there!
Normally, the race results would follow here, but instead, here is a picture of a Mountie with a beaver, which is no doubt FAR more interesting.