30 Things to Look-Out for at the 2017 Mondial De L’Automobile

1y ago

2.8K

I know what you’re thinking. There is NO Paris Motor Show this year, as it’s now biennial. Which, ‘the Google’ tells me means ‘every two years’. And with the last Paris Motor Show being staged last year (in 2016), this means the next one doesn’t come around again until 2018. Probably accompanied by Haley’s Comet, another US presidential election, a new Ice Age and the reforming of NSync, a full 12 months hence.

But just in case any of you are already suffering from withdrawal symptoms, then short of creating/manning an impromptu helpline for distraught, Francophile-motorshow-J’ai-adoring petrolheads, I’ve instead penned a quick piece on what you’re missing. Although categorically NOT missing, as there’s no fucking show this year, yeah yeah. Simply an approximation of what traditionally happens at the Paris Motor Show to keep you tied over until next October. But not this one coming, to reiterate.

'20. The next, next, next, NEXT generation Honda Civic Type-R'

me, September 2017

I’ve afforded it the altogether jazzy working title of ‘30 Things to Look-Out for at the 2017 Mondial De L’Automobile (That’s the 2017 Paris Motor Show for those of you who failed your GCSE French), if There Was, Technically, One, Which There Isn’t’. While there isn’t going to be a Paris Motor Show this year (bummer, or what?!), I can confirm that there will be a London Motor Show. Or at least, there was. Back in May, in London. It used to be called the British Motor Show and was often spotted lurking in the halls of Birmingham’s NEC, yet since the rest of the UK outside of London was officially abolished in roughly 2004. Anyway, here’s the highlights from our near-neighbour’s one this year. Sorry, next year. And last year. It’s usually all the same, tell you the truth….

30 Things to Look-Out for at the 2017 Mondial De L’Automobile, If There Was One

1. Cars

2. French People

3. Baguettes

4. Middle-aged motoring journalists wearing formal shirts tucked into their casual slacks

5. Automotive photographers (as above, only more hirsute)

6. A new Keating model (also see 11, 12 and 13)

7. Pretentious automotive design students

8. Free merch

9. Gerard Depardieu

10. Le/La models at manufacturer’s stands

11. The world’s fastest supercar (also see 6)

12. The world’s fastest hypercar (also see 6)

13. The world’s fastest hybrid hypercar (also see 6)

14. Joe le Taxi

15. A new Vauxhall that won’t depreciate by 90% within first year of its launch

16. James Bond’s new Aston Martin

17. A vaguely attractive crossover

18. A. Nother variant on a Mini

19. A factually accurate emissions-reporting new Volkswagen

20. The next, next, next, NEXT generation Honda Civic Type-R

21. A new TVR

22. Self-satisfied Internet forum members

23. Stripey tops

24. A Tiff Needell

25. Fuck-irritating motoring vloggers like Shmee150

26. Foreign accents

27. Over-priced food

28. Brexit chat

29. Environmental protestors

30. NOTHING, BECAUSE IT DOESN’T ACTUALLY EXIST, FUCKTARDS!

#lol #smalltribesrule #parismotorshow #cars #france #stereotypes

Join in

Comments (0)

    YOU MIGHT ALSO LIKE

    Audi takes aim at F1 in their new Formula E ad
    Force India Henceforth to be Known as {
    8 Things We Learned From the 2018 Belgium GP