There are two types of petrol heads in this world. Those who golf and those who do not. You can normally tell the motoring enthusiast who does golf by the thought they've put into their vehicle. Nine times out of ten it will be something ridiculously overpowered and noisy but with enough space to look sensible.
I can feel the dagger stares from senior golfers already after saying that. Because they'd say, golf is a sport of respect. It's a sport for gentlemen. Except nowadays it isn't. I mean it is in competition and if I ever were good enough to compete I'm sure I'd be just a respectful as the next lad. But the truth is today it's an excuse for me and my private school pals to drive electric buggies, consume beers and be ultra-competitive. And trust me, it gets competitive. It gets so competitive it's ridiculous. There was a weekend a couple of months back where we ended up playing 3 different courses, one of them twice, just to settle a bet.
So with that in mind, the golfers I play with are normally ridiculously competitive, are show-offs and normally love to goat the generations above into inter-generational warfare. Hence the overpowered ultra-loud cars. My father and two uncles are some players from that generation. And they're currently on my favourite course playing after forgetting to send me an invite to their game. And so, I'm writing an article in retaliation. We're going to go through a list of the best golf going goating vehicles on the market. Starting with:
The Jaguar F-Pace SVR
Jaguars are classic golf vehicles before they started being overpowered noisy fun boxes. I'm told that course car parks were full of XJ6s on a Sunday "back in the day". But for the next generation of golfers, we need a next-generation Jaguar. And what better way to knick everyone off than drive a stupidly fast, stupidly loud Jaguar SUV. I'd also recommend getting it in a bright colour for further effect. The best part is it's still practical. It'll do the school run fantastically and will even fit your annoying best mates and their clubs in the boot and back seat.
The BMW Alpina B3 Touring
It's a newly announced car, in fact, it's only 2 days old, so I haven't had a chance to drive it and tell you what it's like yet. But based on the launch control system, the 6 cylinder engine, the spoke wheels and exuberant luxury I would say it's an Alpina. It's an Alpina through and through. And that also probably means it's going to be loud and fast. It also looks astoundingly good and being a wagon your clubs will fit in the back no problem.
The Audi RS6 Avant
I don't want to hear anymore whinging about this car. It's my favourite shooting brake on the market currently and it's absolutely superb. It's probably the best Audi on the market, to be honest. And if it's anything like the previous RS6? It's most definitely better than the current R8 and if you have half a mind for cars that's the only real Audi you'd ever buy. The Alpina B3 is a bit different and noticeable, but the RS6 is the OG of sleepers. Rev it up and happily ruin someone's first hole shot with the stupid sound cackling from the exhaust.
The Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato Shooting Brake
It isn't really a true shooting brake, but the Aston Martin Vanquish Zagato is a thing of beauty none the less. Better still, the boot has just enough space for two sets of golf clubs. I can tell you right now, after a hard afternoon on the course the last thing you want to eat is a doughnut. Unless you're driving the rear-wheel-drive monster contained within. Even better so it's exclusive. It's really exclusive, so there is no way some other pithy 20-something-year-old millionaire prick is going to rock up in true copy cat fashion.
The Range Rover Velar SV Autobiography
I drove this car the other day and was nothing but surprised. To be honest out of all of the cars on this list, if there was one I wanted to genuinely drive to and from the clubhouse it'd probably the Velar SV Autobiography. It's going to be the comfiest way to get all your mates and all their clubs on location and it's the only car the designated driver is going to be happy to drive home post-game and post beers.
At the end of the day, golf is a sport of comradery. It may be competitive at the time, but when all said and done it's probably the only sport I know that is genuinely cross-generational and if you haven't pissed off too many seniors on your way back to the bar there's a high likelihood they'll buy you a beer. There's also a high likelihood they'll need a ride home after you've both finished at the clubhouse that night. And there's one more thing that crosses generations in golf. A loud, fast, annoying, sleeper of a luxury automobile.