5 of the Most Stupid Car Names (And 5 of the Best)
This is my personal opinion. Let me know which ones I have missed!
Naming a car is probably one of the hardest things to do. You want a name that, preferably, tells potential customers about the cars personality, or maybe something to do with the purpose of the car. However some companies, including some that should've known better, have absolutely no clue when it comes to christening their children. These are 10 of the most stupid car names (And 5 really cool ones), based on my personal opinion. Enjoy!
Number 1.) LaFerrari
A very cool car without a doubt, but not a cool name. Sorry!
Picture the situation. You have word that two of the biggest supercar makers, McLaren and Porsche, are making extremely fast hybrid hypercars. Being Ferrari, and being Italian, you feel like you MUST get a slice of this automotive pizza of greatness. So you develop a 950 hp, 218 mph hypercar, that trumps anything that you have made in the last decade. All that's left to do, is to think of a cool name for your undoubtedly AWESOME car. Your rivals have kept it simple, with P1 and 918, but from manufacturers that only really use numbers for names, that's expected. But Ferrari, have been known to have some really iconic names over the years. Testarossa, Italia, Modena. So what name did they give this, ground-breaking supercar? LaFerrari. Seriously? That translates in English to The Ferrari. That wouldn't be TOO bad on it's own, but Ferrari, for some absurd reason, decided to set that as the model name! So the full name of this car is Ferrari The Ferrari. How un-catchy and ridiculous is that? The only vibe I get from a name like that, is that this is the only Ferrari that matters. Whilst that might not seem so bad, does that mean that every other Ferrari is now meaningless? It's lazy, uncreative, and frankly, stupid.
Number 2.) Mangusta
A very pretty car, and not a bad name at all, but this car did not deserve that title
Now hold your horses! Mangusta isn't actually that bad of a name. It translates to Mongoose, which is a small and cute ferret like creature, which has a very nasty and violent side. The reason I have put this car on the list, is because of the reason DeTomaso chose this name. You see, a Mongoose is a carnivorous animal, that eats all sorts of beasties including lizards, birds and rodents. But they also eat snakes including the Black Mamba... and the Cobra. DeTomaso chose this name, because it loosely means "cobra killer". That's quite a statement, considering the Cobra was one of the fastest cars of the era. So was the Mangusta up to scratch? No. Not even close. For comparison, the fastest version of the Mangusta did 0-60 in about 6 seconds, and did over 150 mph. Don't get me wrong, that's not slow, but if we take a look at the Cobra, which does 0-60 in just over 4 seconds, and did over 160 mph, what were DeTomaso thinking! This wasn't even close to killing a cobra. If anything, it was a light scratch that could be fixed with a plaster (or a band aid if you're American). And don't think that the Mangusta handled like a Lotus, and that's why they chose the name. Ohhh no. This car, was awful in the corners. The weight distribution was nearly 70 % over the rear axle, and the chassis was poorly designed, and under engineered. It was ridiculously unstable, over-exaggerated, and frankly, not very good. A cool name, given to the wrong car.
Number 3.) Bongo Friendee
Not necessarily a stupid car. Incredibly stupid name
When Volkswagen released the original camper in 1949, they started a revolution. They essentially designed a completely unique, never seen before concept, in a production vehicle. A van, that doubled up as a house, with full working kitchen and lavatory as well as sleeping accommodation. How did they fit all of that in a relatively small van. Anyway, history evolved and nowadays we say many, many companies using the original campers basic idea. Including Mazda. They used the Bongo van as a starting point, added living accommodation and fitted a 2.5 litre V6 engine. Doesn't sound so bad, right? I mean, it's not the ugliest van in the world, it makes a decent noise, and it will most likely never break down. But Mazda made a huge mistake with this thing. It's name. I mean Bongo, is kind of a fun silly name, even if it's not cool, but the Camper version was called the Friendee. What does that even mean? Imagine going to the campervan owners meeting. "What do you have, I have a Transporter." "Oh that's nice. I have a Bongo Friendee" You would honestly sound like you are on something. Or drunk. What happened to the cool names like Cosmo, Eunos and Xedos?
Number 4.) FF
Not the prettiest Ferrari ever, or the fastest. But it is still very cool, despite one thing.
And, we're back with another Ferrari. As you can tell, I'm not a huge fan of some of Ferrari's naming strategies. Usually, simple numbers and letters such C63 AMG, or LP-670/4 don't bother me, unless they stand for something stupid. You may remember the old Ferrari 612. It was designed to be a replacement for the even older 456 as a Four Seater "Family-Friendly" Ferrari. Well, the FF was the replacement for the 612. It was Ferrari's first in a couple of aspects. For starters, it was Ferrari's first hatchback, or "shooting brake" as I prefer. But more importantly, it was All Wheel Drive, making it even better as a rival for the Continental GT. So aside from the questionable looks, Ferrari actually had potential with this car. All they had to do was name it. They called it the FF, which initially isn't so bad. Until you realise what FF stands for. If you disn't know, it stands for Ferrari Four. It makes sense. Four wheel drive, Four seats etc. But just like they would eventually do with the LaFerrari, they chose Ferrari Four as the MODEL name! So that means that this car is actually called the Ferrari Ferrari Four. Why do you do it Ferrari? They seem to be confused. They obviously don't know the difference between a MODEL and a MAKE.
Number 5.) Probe
Not a bad looking car, also a good handling car. But it has a HUGE problem
Now. As an adult man (just), I am aware of certain phrases and slang terms for certain activities., that may or may not get you into trouble with your parents. Enter the Ford Probe. I'm not saying that the car itself is a dirty fetish of sorts, it was actually quite good, or so I have heard. It was co developed with Mazda, which is a blessing. The Japanese, did the important parts such as the engine and suspension, and the Americans did the design. As a result, we have a very good looking car, that is also reliable, and sturdy. Good. (Also, if you didn't know, the second generation, which is the car pictured, was designed by a woman. I have to say, she did a very good job.) But now we must get onto the biggest problem with this car. It's name. Now I am aware that there are younger people on Drivetribe, so I will try my best to explain what the word Probe means, in the most family friendly way possible. Let's just say, you have a large object, and you think "hmm, I wonder what would happened if I shoved that in a very dark and warm place" Hopefully, you know what I'm trying to get at. But if ever you want to google this car, make sure you put FORD PROBE in the search bar. The word Ford is very important in that scenario.
Number 1.) Viper (Or any car named after a Snake)
Very beautiful car, great to drive, even if slightly dangerous
Where do I start with the Viper. I guess with a brief history lesson. In 1988 Chrysler decided that it wanted to create a modern day Cobra. They conceived a clay model which eventually turned into a full size prototype. It was presented at the North American International Auto Show in 1989, and it received such a crazy amount of positive feedback, that Chrysler decided to put it into production. They went to Lamborghini, to develop a powerful engine for the Viper. Even though a Hemi V8 was initially used in the test mule, Chrysler decided it wasn't enough, so they opted for 10 cylinders. In the end the car had a gargantuan 8 litre V10 producing 400 hp. And as it was very light, (It had next to no safety features in it) it was very quick. A lot like the cobra. But by far the best part of this car, is it's name. Viper. How cool is that? Any car named after a snake is cool, (Take the Cobra for example), and it's that simple. I mean, snakes are cool, right?
Number 2.) Rebel "The Machine"
Handled like a ship and had a top speed of 12, but my god what a name.
Although it had a really cool name, the AMC Rebel wasn't much to shout about. It wasn't that quick, it had mediocre looks, and there were much better alternatives. But let's just think about the name, as it was the only part of the car worth mentioning. Rebel. Makes it seem like it's the kind of vehicle that would do something with you girlfriend's car and then blame the Mustang next door. Like it's up to no good, and it's a bit naughty. But it got even better. As if Rebel wasn't cool enough, AMC released a high performance version dubbed "The Machine". Rebel, The Machine, sounds like some comic book villain of sorts. A world dominating robotic psychopath. Something that you don't really wanna mess with. Something that will literally kill you if you don't play it's games properly. That is definitely something to be remembered for. I'm gonna have that put on my grave.
Number 3.) Raptor
It literally shares it's engine with a supercar
Ford have been making their mid-size pickup truck, the F-150 for about a thousand years, and the basic recipe hasn't really changed. Big engine up front, four wheel drive and enough space for an African church congregation. But it wasn't until the 1990's where Ford decided to make a fast version, called the Lightning, which is also a really cool name. The raptor name was first used in around 2010. It had a 5.4 Modular V8 as standard producing 320 hp, until it was replaced by a bigger, 6.2 litre in 2011 producing 411 hp which is a lot more. Nowadays, it has an even more powerful V6, which is essentially a down-tuned version of the engine found in the Ford GT. But the performance wasn't the best thing. It was literally named after a dinosaur! And one of the coolest ones too. Fast, aggressive, very intelligent and extremely agile. And if if the Ford is none of those things, who gives a toss. A very cool car with a very cool name.
Number 4.) Zonda
One of the most funky looking, and funky sounding supercars ever
You wouldn't think that a tropical wind would create a cool name for a car. But you would be wrong. Because it just so happens that a Zonda, is actually a tropical wind. And a very fast one, that can reach speeds of up to 150 mph. So it would only make sense that the Zonda car would be fast too. It was. Even in basic 394 hp spec, it was capable of nearly 190 mph and reached 0-60 in 4 seconds. But this was just the start. The Zonda was in production from 1999, all the way to 2017. I think that goes to show how special this car is. Oh and don't even ask about the one off specials. Uno, HH, Absolute Evo, PS, as well as many versions of the 760. There was even a track only variant, the R. And my god, what a noise that made (Video Below). I also think that the Zonda was one of the wildest and mental looking supercars, especially the more powerful limited editions. In the end, the brand new supercar, from a brand new company, surprised, and impressed, the whole world.
Number 5.) Sesto Elemento
Illegal on the roads, and dominant on the track.
This one is very simple. It is quite literally "Sixth Element" in Italian. And as any scientists will know, the sixth element is Carbon. And when you look at the car, it's really not hard to see why they called it that. It's essentially a Gallardo LP-560 in a carbon fibre wetsuit. But because of this slight modification, as well as many other tweaks and changes, the entire car now weighs 999 kg. That means it now has a better power to weigh ratio then a Bugatti Veyron. And they're not slow. The only real problem with this car, is that it's not road legal. I don't really know why, but I'm assuming it's something to do with the tyres. Or the fact it has no indicators. Or the fact it's lower to the ground then Jeremy Clarkson's IQ. Now they could've picked the name Carbonio. Or Gallardo GTR. Or Gallardo Carbonio Edizione. Or even just Sixth Element. But they got creative with Sesto Elemento. Good Job Lamborghini.
So, what are your thoughts on the names I've picked? I deliberately tried to avert from the obvious ones, and hopefully I may have opened your eyes on some of these. And remember, these are all based on my PERSONAL OPINION! Have a good day, and thanks for reading!