5 Satisfying And Creative Ways To Destroy A Tesla

Today I am going to go over 5 different ways to satisfy our desire too destroy our least favorite car!

8w ago

Before you attack me in the comments this is meant as a comedic article so let's look through these over the top and hilarious ways to demolish a Tesla!

1. Death by dog turd and fire

What you are going to need:

- 100lbs of Dog Turd (Or whatever turd is easiest to find)

- Matches

- Lighter fluid to make sure it lights easily

This gives you the opportunity to spread poo all over the car (Which we all know is already crap, so think of it like a metaphor) and then lighting it ablaze. Then sit back and listen to the crackle of the burning plastic bumpers and battery packs.

T-28 Super Tank

T-28 Super Tank

2. Death by massive tank

What you are going to need:

- A tank preferably a large one, like the American T-28 pictured above or the German Maus.

- At least 3 tank shells.

My personal favorite out of all of these gloriously over the top ideas. Death by massive tank is extremely satisfying, first you take the massive tank and slowly run over the Tesla of you choice (I personally would choose all of them for this "Special Treatment") once you have completed your journey over the Tesla, slowly and carefully back the mega tank up and over the Tesla again for good measure. Now this sounds satisfying enough, but is it really? I think not, so drive the tank to your desired distance, aim the cannon to the exact spot the Tesla is at, then proceed to load the cannon with the correct ammunition, fire the cannon and watch as it impacts the Tesla blowing it to smithereens. Proceed to fire the next 2 rounds and stand back and admire your masterpiece of destruction.

3. Death by V8

What you are going to need:

- A V8 powered monster truck or massively lifted truck of some sort.

This is a much simpler but in no way less satisfying way to destroy a Tesla. By using the very thing the Tesla was built to try and replace, it's like a member of Peeta being attacked by a tiger. Enjoy yourself with this one! Slowly drive up over it making sure that you crush every inch of the car, this also gives you a chance to show off the flex in your suspension. So this has multiple purposes!!!

4. Death by volcano

What you are going to need:

- An active volcano filled with lovely lava.

- Something to get the Tesla to the mouth of the volcano and push it in.

This idea I have borrowed from my friend and fellow Drivetriber Nicholas Clayden, death by volcano!!! The molten rock coming from the earths core should easily melt the Tesla and leave zero trace of it's existence. Almost like the scene in Terminator 2, when the our favorite killing machine was dropped into the molten metal, except for we will not be crying sad tears but tears of joy!!!

5. The Morris Marina treatment

What you are going to need:

- Numerous heavy objects.

- A crane to drop the with.

My favorite Top Gear running gag was the piano on the Marina, and I'm thinking to my self "It would be even better with a Tesla", you can drop a piano on the Tesla or you can drop a Marina on a Tesla heck why not both!!!

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Comments (74)

  • Bonus option: just let it “drive itself” it won’t be long before it crashes…

      1 month ago
    • And you could sue for damages! Very intelligent you are Liam

        1 month ago
    • Or you could give the Tesla the WhistlinDiesel treatment… a nice slow death

        1 month ago
  • 6. Drop it from the sky

    What you will need:

    A Helicopter

    A bunch of people to push it

    For best result, drop onto Tesla factory to destroy more Teslas

      1 month ago
  • I would pay good money to see any of these happen 😌

      1 month ago
  • Sign me up!

      1 month ago
  • This community is something else, I swear to fucking god. It’s like Jalopnik but with an extra-long leash. No scratch that, no leash at all. 😂

      1 month ago
    • 😂😂😂, its meant to be a joke

        1 month ago
    • In which case, I’ll choose volcano because I’ve always wanted an excuse to go to Hawaii. 😂

        1 month ago