8 barges you can buy for the price of an iPhone
There's no better way to shine a light on how ridiculous modern technology's pricing has become than to see what machine you could run over it with.
The latest ironically named iPhone XS Max with 512GB storage will cost you a whopping £1,449. That is a sizeable chunk of money for something to call people on and watch videos of cats literally act like cats.
You could do a lot of things with £1,449 that are way more fun than staring at a screen, most of which are legal. One of the legal options I'm going to demonstrate today is how much car you can park on your driveway.
I'm not talking beaten up SEAT Marbellas either – you can look a million dollars in all the cars on my list today. An iPhone XS Max can't get you immediate respect for that business meeting you have, can it?
8) Mercedes-Benz W124 estate – £995
Straight in with some proper German engineering. The W124 still has all the class it had in the late '80s. Where your iPhone will need replacing every 6 months when a new model (iPhone XS Max Flame Pizzaz Edition) is released, the W124 will carry on until the world stops spinning.
7) Jaguar S-Type 2.5 V6 Sport – £1,250
When you show your iPhone at the swingers party – nothing happens. Now see what happens when you dangle the Jaguar keys – you and Mrs Johnson can get to know each other a little better.
6) Mercedes-Benz E320 Avantgarde – £899
Ignore the fact it has been parked in a cemetery for the photos, someone definitely didn't die in it. It is most likely because a vicar is selling it. That means it is in mint condition as members of the clergy can't exceed the speed limit.
5) Volvo S80 2.4 SE – £850
This Volvo has only done 109,000 miles which means it hasn't even been broken in yet. This car is also a 100% guarantee that you will never be pulled over by a policeman. They just nod politely and wish that you get home safely.
4) MG ZT 2.5 190 V6 – £995
Now we're talking. We have some proper performance for less than a grand. If you use your iPhone to make friends, this is a much more effective tool. Just park this car in any car park and you'll have people coming from all directions to give you some raised eyebrow friendship.
3) Jaguar XJR 4.0 supercharged – £1,495
I could have easily gone for a standard 3.2 Sport XJ for £795, but sod it, I need to demonstrate the absolute madness that you can buy instead of a device you mainly use to tweet about public transport.
You can buy this XJR 4.0 SUPERCHARGED behemoth for the same as the iPhone XS Max. Just listen to it!
2) Alfa Romeo 166 2.0 16v – £1,295
Yes, you can even look like the coolest Italian bloke in the world for £1,295. Turn up in an Alfa Romeo 166 and you will look the absolute business no matter what you're parked next to.
1) Mercedes-Benz S Class S430 – £1,400
How much class do you want? Will the S430 with a 4.3-litre engine and a phone already installed work for you? I thought so. You can drive away from any of life's problems pretty quickly too as it gets to 60mph in 7.7-seconds and you won't even notice.