- Meme: Jeric Jaleco, PhotoFunia

A brief roast of cars I don't like

From the author who tries to love everything, there are still some cars that even I can't stand.

1w ago
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(Disclosure: ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ธ๐˜ข๐˜ด ๐˜ธ๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ต๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฑ๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ข ๐˜ด๐˜ช๐˜ฎ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ช๐˜ค๐˜ญ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ฃ๐˜บ ๐˜ง๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ง๐˜ฆ๐˜ญ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ธ ๐˜ค๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ต๐˜ณ๐˜ช๐˜ฃ๐˜ถ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ, ๐˜Œ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ ๐˜‹๐˜ฆ๐˜จ๐˜จ๐˜ฆ, ๐˜ธ๐˜ฉ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฎ ๐˜ ๐˜ญ๐˜ฐ๐˜ท๐˜ฆ ๐˜จ๐˜ฐ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ข๐˜ค๐˜ฌ ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ง๐˜ฐ๐˜ณ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ต๐˜ฉ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ถ๐˜ณ ๐˜ธ๐˜ช๐˜ญ๐˜ฅ๐˜ญ๐˜บ ๐˜ท๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜บ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜จ ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ช๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ๐˜ด ๐˜ฐ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ๐˜ด ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ฅ ๐˜ค๐˜ข๐˜ณ ๐˜ค๐˜ถ๐˜ญ๐˜ต๐˜ถ๐˜ณ๐˜ฆ. ๐˜›๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฑ๐˜ช๐˜ฆ๐˜ค๐˜ฆ ๐˜ช๐˜ด ๐˜ฎ๐˜ฆ๐˜ข๐˜ฏ๐˜ต ๐˜ต๐˜ฐ ๐˜ฃ๐˜ฆ ๐˜ต๐˜ข๐˜ฌ๐˜ฆ๐˜ฏ ๐˜ญ๐˜ช๐˜จ๐˜ฉ๐˜ต๐˜ญ๐˜บ... ๐˜ ๐˜ต๐˜ฉ๐˜ช๐˜ฏ๐˜ฌ.)

Those heinous coupe utility vehicles

"WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE NORMAL?"

*screams*

Just look at 'em. Wouldn't it be wiser to pocket the premium you'd pay for these and get their normal-looking counterparts like a person with taste? You'd end up with more usable cargo space, rear headroom, and essentially identical driving dynamics. However, for some convoluted reason, people think these are somehow stylish and continue to incentivize companies into building more of these knock-off Azteks.

Hatchbacks masquerading as compact SUVs

Okay, so this genre isn't so bad. It's not that the compact crossover legion is full of crap as most are actually quite lovely to drive and have great success in carrying out their intentions. I'm more so disappointed that they're pretending to be something they're clearly not.

These are hatchbacks through and through. Drop a GLA on its nuts, peel the black-clad disguise right off its fenders, and what do you have left? A marginally larger A-Class. Some offerings are even exclusively front-wheel drive, a big fail when putting on the faรงade of something more utilitarian. Lies! Deception!

Subaru WRX, too damn restrained

Reliability horror stories aside, I love the Subaru WRX STI. That being said, I care not for the vanilla WRX or at least not for the current-generation, FA-powered cars. Perhaps I would've enjoyed the examples I drove a bit more if I had driven them on a twistier canyon road, or perhaps older models with EJ engines would've proven more characterful. From my experience, they felt like nothing more than quick Corollas. Dull and plain. Capable yet boring. Get an STI.

Ford Mustang

No.

Chevrolet Blazer, a pretender to its name

The Blazer is a fine, sporty crossover sure to please any family choosing to add it to their fleet. It will forever live in the shadow of the mighty Ford Bronco whose off-road prowess, modern-retro design, and newly-started war with the Jeep Wrangler will surely ensure everyone forgets there's a new Blazer. Picture that. Imagine being so unremarkable, you get consigned to the history books while you're still on sale. Oof.

There it is. A short list of cars whose existence I lightheartedly disagree with. This piece was actually a tricky one to compose as I generally try to appreciate anything and everything, but sometimes you just have wake up and choose violence. What are some cars you find disagreeable and why? I'm prepared to take a shot for every anti-EV comment I see. One person's disdain is another person's excuse to day drink. Cheers!

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Comments (37)

  • As American consumers, we only have ourselves to blame for the first two๐Ÿ˜‚

      12 days ago
    • Donโ€™t even remind me. ๐Ÿ˜‚

        12 days ago
    • Car companies: โ€œoh my god these idiots will buy anythingโ€ฆโ€

      Americans hate wagons so much weโ€™ve made our SUVs un-usable as SUVs. And CUVsโ€ฆ donโ€™t even get me started. ITS A HATCHBACK WITH A 1INCH LIFT AND A BUNCH OF FLUFF MARKETING YOU...

      Read more
        12 days ago
  • โ€œNo.โ€

    Strong argument. I hate the Mustang too now.

      12 days ago
  • Yezzir

      12 days ago
  • How dare you call the SUV โ€œCoupesโ€ knock-off Azteks. Thatโ€™s an insult to the Aztek. These in my opinion are far worse because at least the Aztek was supposed to be ugly. The sloped roof SUVs are supposed to look good but donโ€™t.

      9 days ago
  • Very well done. Can you just picture the folks at GM/Chevrolet looking at the Bronco's success? All the crying over missed opportunity. Instead they created a Blazer which is some mix of Traverse and Equinox and no more memorable than either.

      9 days ago
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