- My photoshop skills aren't brilliant...

With roots dating back to the 18th century its perhaps not surprising that a carol featuring maids a-milking isn’t exactly relatable content for modern society.

Unfortunately, with the festive season in full swing, we have little choice but to listen to this classic rendition of the song.

But wait! Luckily for you guys, I’ve put my thinking Santa hat on and come up with 12 car based alternatives to the original lyrics.

On the first day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A one-off Rolls Royce Sweptail worth $13,000,000

This spectacular looking one-off is a result of around four years work between one dedicated customer and the Rolls-Royce design department.

Dubbed as the most expensive (new) car in the world at, this $13,000,000 hand-built piece of art takes hints from the beautiful coach-built Rolls Royces of 1920s and 30s.

Should you be wondering how on earth it can justify such a high price tag, its worth noting that along side obvious exterior changes, Sweptail also contains touches such as a mechanism that at the touch of a button, deploys a chilled bottled of champagne

Sweptail is powered by a 6.75L V12 engine which should provide more than enough grunt to uproot your nearest pear tree.

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On the second day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A SMATI Turtle 1

No, I haven’t made this one up. Despite looking more like something that Homer Simpson drew up than a dove, the SMATI Turtle 1 is real and was built by African craftsmen.

It takes inspiration from the area in which its created. This being a Ghanaian neighbourhood where an estimated 200,000 people are employed in the recyling and modifying of cars for life on African roads.

The unusual name is said to come ‘from its characteristics including slow but steady speed, its basic and strong mechanics and its protective bodywork.’

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On the third day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A three-cylinder french(ish) hatchback.

‘Great news!’ That’s right, for third day we’ve been blessed by the mighty Dacia Sandero.

For the sake of this list, its best to ignore that Dacia is actually a Romanian company and instead concentrate on the fact that they’ve been a subsidiary of Renault, a French brand, since 1999.

The Access SCe 75 model starts from a headline grabbing £6,995 and does without things such as a radio. Whilst still no rocket ship, the TCe 90 version of this three-cylinder engine can at least crack 100mph and is available on the Essential model that’s starts at £8,595.

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On the fourth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A Ford Thunderbird

In response to the Chevrolet Corvette, Ford launched the Thunderbird in 1955.

Originally introduced as a two-seater and despite the name, the Thunderbird wasn’t intended to be a full-on sports car. Ford instead threw luxuries at it and preferred to call it a ‘personal car.’

Regardless of classification, the Thunderbird proved amazingly popular with over 16,000 models sold in this first year of production.

The Thunderbird was with us for 50 years and 12 generations. The last of which was a modern interpretation of the beautiful 1950s car.

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On the fifth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A five-cylinder Audi Quattro

Launched in 1980, the Ur-Quattro is nothing short of an icon. It’s a car that changed the worlds perception of all-wheel drive.

This revolutionary all-wheel drive system was coupled to an equally legendary 2.1 Litre turbo charged five-cylinder engine.

This combination allowed the Ur-Quattro to outsprint many contemporary supercars to 60mph with a time of just over 6.3 seconds.

The legacy of this engine lives on to this day with the new RS3 and TTRS, but there can be no denying that it’s the outrageous S1 Group B rally car that we’re lusting after.

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On the sixth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A G63 AMG 6x6

Here is a car (well monster truck) that needs no introduction. Every stat to do with the 6x6 is monstrously large.

The addition of an extra axle takes the wheel base to north of 4.2 metres and at almost 2.3 metres tall, the 6x6 is metre closer to the sun than an MX5. Tipping the scales at 3.85 tonnes, the 6x6 can flatten pretty much any terrain you throw at it.

To haul all this weight around, the 6x6 makes use of a 5.5L Biturbo V8 that provides 536bhp and 560lb ft of torque. Hopefully then, the six geese I’ve put in the back won’t harm the 0-60 time too badly.

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On the seventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

2 presenters a-swimming.

This classic challenge saw our beloved trio attempt to build amphibious cars and as you might expect, the three took completely different approaches to the challenge.

Richard transformed his T25 VW camper into a narrow boat, James stuck a massive pole to his Herald and Jeremy adopted his age-old adage of ‘POWER!’

This led to some hilarious results. My lyrics should be enough for you to work out that swans weren’t the only things swimming that day.

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On the eighth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A Bentley 8-Litre a-milking

Produced between 1930 and 1932, only 100 examples of this motorised stately home were built.

The Bentley 8 Litre was powered by a straight six engine that produced between 200-230bhp. Bentley were so confident in the 8 Litre that they guaranteed, regardless of what coachwork it had, that it would be able to do over 100mph.

It turns out that Bentley were right to be confident as in December 1930 Autocar recorded a half mile terminal speed of 101.12mph.

Perhaps this shouldn’t have come as a surprise as the 8 Litre held the accolade for being the largest-engined car for sale in the UK at the time. Hopefully the maids will be able to find one of those petrol producing cows.

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On the ninth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A dancing Nissan Fairlady Z

I can only apologise as the Fairlady in the video below is actually a Datsun, it’s just that in my head, Nissan seemed a better fit to the original lyrics.

The Fairlady Z was introduced to the world in December 1969 and featured a 2L, inline 6-cylinder engine that produced around 160hp.

At the time, the company was looking to boost its image amongst potential buyers and with over half a million global sales in its nine-year life time, it appears that the 240z successfully filled this brief.

I think it’s safe to say second generation Fairlady featured below isn’t running its original engine.

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On the tenth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A leaping Jaguar E-PACE

A barrel rolling car is not something you see every day, but apparently this test proves that the E-PACE lives up to jaguar’s ‘Art of performance’ philosophy.

I just hope that no owners will try to replicate this stunt on the school run.

The E-PACE is Jaguar’s attempt at getting in on the compact SUV market. Unfortunately, not only does this sound a bit dull, it’s also not very Christmassy.

With nine possible drive train configurations, at least this leaping cat nearly fits in with the whole tenth day thing.

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On the eleventh day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A straight piped Murcielago

Few things in the world sound as epic as a straight piped V12 and arguably the 631 bhp engine found in Lamborghini LP640 is one of the all-time greats.

The original Murcielago was no slouch with its 580bhp, but apparently this wasn’t enough. The extra power in the LP640 enables the car to fly from 0-60mph in 3.3 seconds and onto a top speed of 211mph.

The glorious scream from the back of this example is god like. It would certainly wake me up if it flew overhead during the night.

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On the twelfth day of Christmas my true love sent to me...

A Maserati MC12 lapping

Built to homologate Maserati’s FIA GT-spec race car, the MC12 borrows many of components, most notably the slightly tweaked 6.0L V12 engine, from the Ferrari Enzo.

Personally, I prefer the looks of the MC12 and the removeable hard top is further icing on the Christmas cake.

Thanks to its Glorious 624hp V12 engine, it’s capable of 0-60mph in 3.5 seconds and a top speed of 205mph.

With only 50 being built, its no surprise that an example with 12,500km sold for just over €2,000,000 at the RM Sotheby’s Paris auction earlier this year.

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What automotive alternatives can you think of? Let me know in the comments below

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