A​ full history of the Seat Arosa

T​he history of the peak of automotive achievement

A​n overview

T​he Seat Arosa is an A-segment city car made by Seat from 1997 to 2004, it's also human kinds greatest achievement and will never possibly be topped, it has driven many to isanity with it's beauty and was one of 2 cars to utilise the VW group A00 platform along with the immeasurably inferior Volkswagen Lupo. It was an indirect replacment to the Fiat Panda based Seat Marbella, and each one is classed as place of worship by the very official UN recognised nation of Seat Arosa Connoisseurland.

G​enosis

I​t was actually quite a significant car scince it was the VW groupes first attempt at an A-segment car. The A-segment is smallest passenger car class defined by the European commission. It was designed by Jozef Kabaň, it was clearly his magnum opus although he is known for some other minor things like the Bugatti Veyron.

A​s perusal for Seat models it's name is derived from a town, region or island in Spain. In this case it's Vilagarcía de Arousa, a municipality in the region of Galicia. It was first shown at the 1997 Geneva motor show to a sudden silence followed by the noice of ravenous screaming and people arriving in their pants on the spot. It was then blessed upon a frankly undeserving public later that year.

R​eception

The critics were moved to tears with genuinely positive reviews, many reviewers drove of to small villages and towns to avoid having to give them back, made easy by the excellent fuel consumption, they also praised the interior quality, some say Mercedes bought one to set an example of true quality but got so distracted by the beauty the build quality got worse. For example, the video you see above, the woman sold her BMW M5 to buy one of these since there is no way in hell in anyway it would come close to the sheer automotive artistry of the Arosa, can't blame her.

​Horrible vermin

1​997 was the best year in history since it was the only year ever to be blessed by the Arosa, but it all went wrong in '98 when the motorised wart was shat out onto our roads by Volkswagen, they named it the Lupo and it was an Arosa only extremely shit in every way ever imaginable. This is the delta to Arosa's sigma.

T​he 3L

I​n the late nineties Volkswagen heard Renault were developing a "3 litre" Clio for the 100th annual Paris motor show, thinking it was a Clio capable of 3 liners per 100 kilometres (78 MPG) and in the most German way possible, instead of not bothering, they decided to outdo them. They immediately got to work on an Arosa and a disgusting, rotten Lupo to make them as fuel efficient as possible. A fuel sipping 1.2 diesel was fitted as well as low rolling resistance tires, stop start and a triptronic gearbox. Efforts were also made to make it as light as possible including making many parts out of aluminium and magnesium to minor details like fitting only 4 lug nuts instead of the usual 5. A lot of the technology used in the 3L was later used in the Audi A2. The car was just finished and when unveiled at the Paris motor show expecting to both amaze and humiliate Renault, it turned out the "3 litre" Clio was in fact the Clio V6 which used a 3 litre V6 with no economic credentials at all. They spewed some 3L Lupos out of their hatch.

The facelift

At turn the of the millennium Seat announced possibly the most controversial decisions of all time. They would facelift the Arosa. People in their billions burst out onto the streets against the move, claiming the Arosa was so perfect that changing any minor detail by a mere hairs length would be punishable by death by scaphism (look it up) and it was too perfect to be improved and they clearly had a point, but Seats new designer of the time (formerly of Alfa Romeo) downed a whole bottle of brave pills and knocked out a design just as tear jerkingly perfect as the last, the demonic screaming of violent protesters around the world were transformed into crowds roaring with relief, admiration and arousal.

The concepts

When the facelift was unveiled, it came along with two concepts to go along with it, the racer and the city cruiser. The racer as you could probably guess was a track ready version of the Arosa, featuring a sporty, lightweight interior, an aggressive body kit and dizzying performance. They claimed the it's 1.6 4 banger made 125 BHP but many sources claimed they had to heavily detune it since in all previous runs it broke the dynos. They Also managed 6 second quarter miles and consistent sub 6 minutes laps round the Nurburgring. Then there was the city cruiser, which was perfect because it is an Arosa, and also came with a passenger seat that could be changed out for a stroller.

The legacy

The Arosa has always been a guiding light for the lost, inspiration for the creative, a canvas for artist, and a source of joy for everyone ever. It has become an icon, a legend only matched by that of the baby Jesus and the Buddha. It can cure cancer, feed the hungry, and stop global warming, it is the only perfect thing to exist, many have been driven to insanity by it's beauty, while others have turned it into a religious symbol, it is humanities greatest achievement.

-Before anyone comments just know this was almost completely untrue and done for comedic purposes

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Comments (36)

  • In summary, it's a good-looking, reliable, efficient, high-quality-yet-cheap city car that's fun to drive and own and has lots of personality. I think it deserves a Cupra variant.

      27 days ago
  • 100% accurate, 0% biased I’m assuming 🤔

      27 days ago
  • Excellent article! Learned some stuff about a car i previously knew very little about

      27 days ago
  • Arosa Cult anyone

      27 days ago
  • Brought a tear to my eye, wonderful journalism! I genuinely enjoyed that post!

      27 days ago
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