I have been thinking about this for a few weeks now and was rather going around in loops.

But driving home today it struck me that having an affair should be similar to getting your dream car.

I have a perfectly adequate car, it starts, is warm, finishes what it starts and is not too costly.

When I first got it, I thought it was an an improvement over that I had, which was old, rattly, showing its age and the only real surprise it gave was finishing a journey without incident.

It is the surprise of the new that is missing, that thrill of not quite knowing quite what is going to happen.

Let’s face it, we go to restaurants rather than have meat and two veg at home, but when we look around us, we often wish we had other peoples orders.

So what should I get. Something new and sporty, older and experienced, loud or quiet, totally different or a bit familiar. Or borrow a friend’s.

The main criteria is that there has to be a sense of adventure and a little bit of danger involved.

Not too much, otherwise it is, as Bob Dylan sung back in 1988, when he was ‘down in the groove’. “90 miles an hour, down a dead end street”.

So that rather rules out the sleek and sporty, and we all know they can be a bit fickle and delicate.

Sometimes the sports versions are just more fun to look at and wonder about.

Maybe it is that opportunity you missed out on, the one that is now looking rather classy. Maybe the edges are a bit frayed, but if the undercarriage is working, they can be a good ride still.

But will it offer the real excitement that is craved, then wait patiently until you next need an ego boost, or just a bit of light relief.

It is really with light relief that is need in an affair, not something that totally life changing, or will slip into the over familiar. It needs a buzz, coupled with reliability, or knowing it will go home after.

This then leads me towards the orientals. I have tried, French, and they were very nice, the Russian was scary, the German was tight and quiet, the Indian was very interesting, almost mythical, and vanished without a trace just as I was getting used to it. So maybe an oriental next, they seem to have all the right bits, in all the right places, but do they respond as one wishes.

It is this response to handling that is possibly the important bit. When I place my hand somewhere on my current model, I know what to expect, and if I am honest, I knew that when I got it.

I want the occasional surprise, something to set the heart racing, but deep down the knowledge that I can back out if needed, with no real harm done. That seem to be close to getting a rental, but with the occasional bill that is uninsurable. Occasionally fun I am sure, but far from perfect.

So it comes down to finding something that is pre-owned, comfortable, but with some life in it, discrete with interesting looks, well lubed, not tatty and above all seeking that adventure of an affair, with the safety of a warm garage to return to.

I then looked in the mirror and liked what I saw, then thought ‘wanker’, who would be interested in my deranged thoughts.

You tell me.

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