Another brief roast of cars I find unworthy of appreciation
Sometimes, it's nice to just let the negativity flow freely.
I promise I'm not a bully. You know by now that I like to find the silver lining in almost any car. that being said, a little venting like this is probably what my therapist would think is best... I hope. Man, it's nice challenging myself to find cars I generally don't agree with while also letting all this balled-up frustration run rampant. So, in continuing a saga started by fellow contributor, Ethan Degge, I present yet another satirical round of cars I may or may not dislike which I will then proceed to verbally shit upon.
Some cars really get to me in all the wrong ways...
Mitsubishi i-MiEV - The real reason people hate EVs
Don't even bother reading the spec sheet or scouring for reviews just yet. Just look at this thing first. There's no sugar-coating it because holy fucking shit, is this bad or what? I hated it as a kid when I saw it on an episode of Top Gear, and I still hate it now. A piece of history in the evolution of the electric car, this is, but it's not a fond memory worth looking back on.
Chevrolet Tahoe/GMC Yukon/Cadillac Escalade Hybrid - A great idea done poorly
A Prius-like hybrid powertrain shoehorned into a million-ton, all-American brick. It was aimed at delivering exceptional fuel economy for its class in the wake of a brutal recession. What a spectacular idea! Except it was somehow executed worse than Australia's war on man-sized birds. It had two main jobs as a hybrid SUV: to make money for General Motors and save fuel for consumers, and it did poorly at both. Granted, the bump in efficiency was appreciated but still yielded dismal numbers, and it stickered at a relatively stratospheric price. I didn't bite, and apparently neither did most prospective buyers. Sad trombone noises.
Lykan Hypersport - The ultimate flex (and nothing more)
Photo: W Motors
Not much to say here. Sure, on paper, it's wildly epic, unapologetically badass, and sure to be a sensational driving experience. Beyond the data, it's apparently nothing more than a showpiece; a mere flex. It's a Gucci belt with a twin-turbo flat-six that's allegedly not all that great at shredding roads in the same way a Lamborghini or Ferrari would be. Perhaps that's all the prospective buyers would want out of something like this, but as a driver's car, it sounds like a massive fail, an obscure, ugly, overpriced fail.
Toyota GR Yaris - Wait, what?
Photo: Toyota Gazoo Racing
Hey, wait a minute. What's this doing here? Oops. Disregard, folks! Moving on.
Plymouth Neon - Always in the shadow of its "Chad" sibling
Photo: Bring a Trailer
"Fuck the Plymouth Neon. All my homies hate the Plymouth Neon."
Dodge Neon Gang, represent! Where are my SRT, R/T, and ACR Neons, Plymouth? Huh? You piece of shit. You fucking goddamn fucker. Listen fuckhead, I don't care if you're nearly identical. You're nothing but a false idol, a pretender to your cooler, beer-chugging, featured-in-Forza-games brother. That being said, by the power of Alex Jones invested in me, I banish you to the Shadow Realm.
Welp, that's all I got for this round. Let me know if you agree or disagree with any cars on this shitlist and if you have anything else worth roasting! Your move, Ethan.