- Sadness Ensues

Automotive YouTube is Prostitution for Car Enthusiasts

An insight tale by a man riddled with anger, sadness and flatulence.

1y ago


There I was, December, 2015. My broken straw chair, supporting my bare, freshly showered buttocks. The air filled with the smell of shampoo and microwave pizza. My old faithful 17" MacBook Pro sat there with the cursor blinking in Chromes URL bar. I look up from my phone and start typing: "Y.O.U... this can go two ways, how do I feel? I have a nice warm pizza and I like watching things whilst I eat... I continue typing: "....T.U.B.E"

Ah... YouTube pre update, my homepage is filled with recommended videos and videos of YouTubers I am subscribed to. Why not go with a Top Gear video to keep me entertained whilst I stuff my face with a Ham, Chorizo and Pineapple (it does) topped Pizza.

This time, instead of enjoyment - I feel great sadness. Look at these people, they are having the time of their lives, driving cars, laughing, having fun. What am I doing? Eating Pizza, naked whilst I watch other men make Penis jokes. I felt worthless! I felt I had to do something about it. I knew exactly what. I put down the Pizza, then I picked it back up because I don't waste food. Later, I fell asleep, but it was a sleep full of hope and encouragement, "I have to become like my Idols" I told myself, "how hard can it be".

It wasn't until about 2 months later when I actually started a YouTube channel and promptly uploaded my first video. It wasn't a video of me, or even a good video. I was scared, what if there are bad men on the internet that want to touch my weewee? My mom had warned me of this my whole childhood! No, instead I uploaded possibly the worst video on earth:


It was an iMovie special and got about 15 views, 12 of which were my own. It felt good though, and didn't take long before I was hooked, hooked on that feeling, the feeling of doing more, the high you get when a video performs better than a previous one. Soon I was up to 10 subscribers, I felt on top of the world. People are watching me now, my audience is growing.


I was uploading near daily now, posting on Car Throttle, all over Facebook, spamming peoples videos, soon enough I had 100 subscribers. I had to do more, I started recording myself, these got more views, people were saying I was funny, actual real people liked my videos. At this point I decided to join the YouTube partner programme and that's when my life turned around. I was actually getting paid to be a clown.

I checked my balance after the first month - I had made a whole 0.05 Cents! From doing nothing! People were asking me to become a content partner, was this what fame felt like? This continued until I got my first viral video and an incredible spike of Subscribers, with that came publicity, haters and more money. I was loving it, I soon started becoming the person on the other end of the screen of a nude, sad, 2015 Vincent. I was now Speed Comparer.

My Subscribers started to become my fans - I now had an obligation I have to upload regularly, I have to entertain, I have to grow. YouTube had become my Pimp and I, its eager sub, suckling on its coarse, used teet.

Reaching Deadlines, the fear of missing out, finding content, filming content, keeping up with fans, if you slip for even a second you could end everything you've worked towards. Life gets in the way, work gets in the way, you can't collect press vehicles because you cant get an afternoon off your job, what do you do? You need to create content! I love it and won't stop until I'm in the hall of fame next to Clarkson, May and Hammond.

Remember, not all of us are born with a golden spoon in our mouths, there is an unfair advantage if you can start out with a great production quality value and awesome content from day one vs someone that cant.

What is your take? Have you ever thought of it that way? No you only think about yourself!

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