Blast From The Past (P1) - 1975 Jaguar XJ-S

Jaguar's controversial replacement for the E-Type was never as good. But what does that say?

What is it?

An Englishman’s heart is his castle, so well does it repel invasion. But in 1961, Jaguar did something which blew away the fortifications and made stiff upper lips around the isle quiver with emotion. They made the E-Type. It was fast, it was advanced, and above all, it was so utterly, breathtakingly gorgeous that the formidable Enzo Ferrari, who rarely praised anything, called it “the most beautiful car ever made.”

So spectacular was the E-Type, however, that Jaguar didn’t want to touch it. So they did very little to it for the next ten years. The headlights were changed in 1967, and the grille became more complicated, but that was about all.

At last, someone stood up with determination and said, “Look guys. We just can’t put this off forever.” He was shot down.

Jaguar then waited a few more years, before finally coming to the realization that yes, the E-Type couldn’t last forever. So they took some tea and biscuits, called a meeting, had some more tea and biscuits, and then sent everyone home.

At last, one day, they reluctantly began the mighty task of creating a successor to not only one of the greatest cars they had ever made, but also one of the greatest cars anyone had ever made. In all truth, the task was so mighty it was impossible. Whatever Jaguar could come up with, it would never be nearly as good as the E-Type, and even if it was, no one would ever recognize it as such.

It was never as good. But the 1975 Jaguar XJ-S, for so this replacement car came to be called, was not the failure some make it out to be. It was powerful, it was luxurious, and despite all protests to the contrary, it was rather beautiful. I secretly believe that had there not been an E-Type, the XJ-S may well have been it.

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IS IT POWERFUL?

Late in the E-Type’s life, its straight-six XK engine was replaced with a V12, which gave it boosted performance and probably more shelf life, true, but in the eyes of many purists, adversely affected its handling.

At any rate, that V12 was carried over into the XJ-S, at least until 1982. Then, as part of the HE (High Efficiency) update – which also included Starfish alloys and chrome strips on the otherwise black bumpers – the V12 was retuned to make it more powerful and efficient.

After this, the XJ-S could manage a very respectable 240km/h, and it proved devastating in the hands of the Tom Walkinshaw Racing team. Later it was tuned up even more and used in the Jaguar XJR-9 and 12 racing cars, both of which won at LeMans.

In short, yes. It is powerful.

IS IT NICE-LOOKING?

Actually, when it came out, it instantly met with criticism. The Germans could find no reason why the rear had ‘flying buttresses’, which they thought would block rear visibility. Jaguar tried to tell them that they were there because they looked nice, but the Germans don’t understand form without function, so in the end Jaguar had to publicly demonstrate to the German authorities that the buttresses did not block rear visibility at all. Maybe they had aerodynamic properties as well?

Others said the XJ-S was designed by committee, and thus was the product of arguments and fussing and compromises, which is, by nature, all a fair committee will ever really achieve. The Committee for Public Safety, for example, could never agree on whose head they should guillotine first. So they ended up guillotining each other.

Yet others, however, recognize that the XJ-S is actually very beautiful. Its extremely low, sleek, feline profile gives it the appearance of a big cat poised on its haunches – ready to leap off from a green light. If you’ve ever seen one in traffic, you’ll know what I mean. On all sides are overdesigned SUVs, but there, in the middle, is a cockroach amongst the beetles.

IS IT RELIABLE?

A British car, made in the 1970s? Absolutely not.

In 1966, Jaguar was taken over by the British Motor Corporation, which, when not dealing with striking Irishmen, was always in deliberation on how best to maximise profits and save taxpayer money. The conclusion they came to time and time again was that if they forgot about the rustproof coating, and used bits of metal and wood lying around for bolts, they could save quite a bit indeed.

In fact, things had got so bad by the time Ford took over Jaguar in 1989, that one of the Ford executives walked into the factory and said it reminded him of communist-era Russia.

IS IT COMFORTABLE?

Because the E-Type was an all-out sports car, and Jaguar wasn’t sure it could make two good sports cars in a row, they decided to make its successor, the XJ-S, a Grand Tourer. Which means, of course, the cabin is equipped with a veritable smoking lounge’s worth of hand-buffed leather and walnut, and is therefore famously comfortable.

Though I heard one unfortunate owner claim he was driving his XJ-S one day, when the lovely lambswool carpet suddenly slipped off its moorings under his feet. Which left wires exposed, like in a rally car.

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HOW MUCH DOES IT COST?

It’s a Jaguar, and because collectors are starting to recognize the XJ-S for what it really is, it’s appreciating as well. If you want one which hasn’t quite rusted through yet, don’t expect to pay much less than $20,000AUD.

DID ELVIS PRESLEY HAVE ONE?

No, he was dead. But Frank Sinatra did.

SHOULD I HAVE ONE?

You may be tempted to argue that since the headlight column will probably come off in your gloved hands one winter evening, buying an XJ-S would be foolish. But may I?

I know people who have antique clocks in their houses that don’t actually keep time very well, or even at all. If you touch the clock a bit roughly some of the woodwork might even fall off. So why did they buy it? Because it was beautiful, because it was classy, and because their heart told their head to shut up for a moment, besides he always gets his way (which isn’t true). What I’m trying to say is – that clock could be an XJ-S.

Except it isn’t, because a clock won’t leave you stranded by the side of the road at 11pm, with nothing to console you but oodles of rich walnut and a phone with an exploded battery.

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Photo credit: (interior/engine) wallpaperUP.com

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