Building bridges on hostile waters...

The 20 billion pound plan to drive across the sea!

It is being hailed (or should I say laughed at) as one of the most unrealistic infrastructure proposals of the 21st century, but also one of the most transformative. Nearly 100 years on from the very moment a far flung corner of a globally irrelevant island woke up one morning as a part of another nation, a very ugly looking British Prime Minister is looking to physically unite two parts of a country which his Brexit deal LITERALLY tore down the middle.

Please don't go running, it's not all political:

Just for simplified and very rushed context, Northern Ireland, a corner of land up at the top of the Irish island, has been owned and ruled by the United Kingdom for what will be a century as of next year. This part of the island is not at peace with itself due to this, and Brexit has threatened to bring a new level of civil violence not seen since the Thatcher era of the 1980s. This little chunk of the UK emits a feeling of abandonment and forgottenness. Things are looking nearly worse than ever for the region.

Bring in Big boots Boris:

Now people around the world are throwing out the same old dilpomatic drabble. "We need to connect Northern Ireland to the UK for good". Well, in his mighty incompetence, Boris Johnson took this idea a bit too literally.

Tahhhh dahhhh!

Tahhhh dahhhh!

Beholddddd, the part of the article where I get to a point that relates to transpooooort! This image is one of many dreamed up visuals representing a 28 mile long mega-bridge that physically links Scotland with the North. Oh, maybe some geographic visuals are in need too. Hold on.

The distance shown is scaled down, because if this were 1:1 you could probably just step across and there'd be no need for a bridge at all to be honest.......

The distance shown is scaled down, because if this were 1:1 you could probably just step across and there'd be no need for a bridge at all to be honest.......

Johnson's plans for a bridge as enormous and lengthy as this is as expensive as it is ideal for the United Kingdom. Because going off current estimates, it could set the nation back a good 15 to 20 billion pounds. That's 15 to 20 billion pounds I'm going to presume the country doesn't currently have neatly tucked away in a cosy saving's account. Nonetheless it is an undeniably wonderful idea, undoubtedly beneficial for the country's economic and social interests. The bridge could have many forms, one form not even including a bridge at all, but a long distance sea tunnel burrowing under the choppy waters of the Irish Sea. To be frank, God knows what it could turn out to be, and that's even considering the popular opinion is that it won't happen at all. Here are some of the best images circulating the idea as "The world's most ambitious bridge?" (Quote CNN).

Golden Gate who?

Golden Gate who?

How robust!

How robust!

Defo didn't show this like 3 minutes ago.

Defo didn't show this like 3 minutes ago.

Proposed image of the bridge in the face of nuclear apocalypse.

Proposed image of the bridge in the face of nuclear apocalypse.

It is just a magnificent thought. But remember, it's also absolutelty bonkers. There are two front-runners for locations where the bridge could connect up. The main issue is pay the 20 billion with the hopes that an ideal location will bring an economic boom worth billions in return? Or cut the costs and have it connect up two fields of sheep on either side of the sea. Again, more visuals necessary.

The BBC weighout the proposals. Thanks BBC you did a better job than I did.

The BBC weighout the proposals. Thanks BBC you did a better job than I did.

The 'blow out the budget' option is certainly the better choice, but even so the very thought of this possibility has half of humanity up in arms. The Prime Minister's plan is completely rigged with dreadful issues. To list a few, the bridge in question would be 28 miles long across a sea which has seen storms so strong that massive vessels have gone down in its wake. Nevermind this, the 1000 foot depth of the waters mean that pillars larger than London's tallest skyscraper would be required in the tens to make this project work without falling over and killing everybody utilising it. To make matters worse, the sea here is plagued with undetonated bombs from a number of past conflicts, so constructing a bridge over a load of them may have its 'downfalls'. Ha, funny.

Still, this is an opportunity that could single handedly save Britain's union with the North, which as I've mentioned 15 times already is quite literally on the brink of breaking up under the world's 7 billion watchful eyes.

Still, it's all been done before no?

True. We only have to look towards the Chinese and the 34 mile bridge they built successfully between Hong and Kong and Mainland China. But then again, Chinese innovation and British innovation are two very different fields of fish.

I shouldn't be rude I can't stand China.

#Don'tBanMePleaseBestiesDrivetribeIsMyOnlyFriend

So there it is:

An opportunity that'd change the lives of millions between two great nations, but with risks beyond our very understanding. The situation is unclear, and very, very tense. Could a 28 mile bridge (or tunnel who knows?) be the key to national unity?

Two ancient enemies, now to be connected by a bridge.

Two ancient enemies, now to be connected by a bridge.

Hope you enjoyeddddd, perhaps my poor explanations of things made for some light entertainment. Either way like this damn article because it was a pain to write.

Toodles.

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Comments (56)

  • I just discovered the Mull of Kintyre is an actual thing and place, not just a folk song

      2 months ago
    • ๐Ÿคฃitโ€™s an absolutely beautiful place and I would recommend you visit

      But bring a jacket it can be cold

        2 months ago
    • I wouldn't go to Scotland without a peacoat

        2 months ago
  • When I saw the picture I burst out laughing. Boris is an idiot, but he's a funny idiot, it just becomes scary when there is billions of pounds involved. Of course I need to ask some questions so here goes:

    1) Why can't we have the bridge from Mull of Kintyre (or however you spell it) because there's a nice song about it?

    2) Can I propose a cheaper idea, it's called a ferry?

    3) How many lanes is the proposed bridge?

    4) What happens if Scotland decides it doesn't want to be part of the UK anymore (I wouldn't blame them)?

    5) Can I just have the ยฃ20 billion?

    6) What is the bridge going to be made out of?

    7) What is the maximum weight the bridge can take?

    8) Could I do a top speed record along the bridge?

    9) What type of bridge is it (you probably said but I've forgotten)?

    10) What colour will the bridge be?

    11) If the bridge got made would it mean Vincent and I/me wouldn't need an amphibious car to see you, like we planned?

      2 months ago
  • If they make it I'll travel to Scotland just to drive over the bridge!

      2 months ago
  • There is another very good option- it is called building an airport and a ferry port. Will save a whole load of money.

      2 months ago
  • I had heard this was a 'serious' idea, but isn't Irish reunification a more serious proposition?

      2 months ago
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