But I read on the internet...
for those of us who, on occasion, need to be able to say, 'but i read on the internet' to excuse our brand of driving.
American Petrol Heads is so excited to be part of the new DriveTribe, this is a re-posted article from our website.
You see, most of you who read these articles like to drive. I don’t mean from point A to point B in a way that is unremarkable, unentertaining, or uneventful. Most of you have favorite corners that you know just how to get the back end out, favorite hills that if you crest it at x mph, your tires just barely maintain contact, and sections where you know that the local constabulary have a very hard time policing due to a lack of shoulder space and other coverage.
You also likely have another party (spouse, bf/gf, parent) in your life who is less than enthusiastic about your driving style, modification choices and/or your overall selection of vehicles, but also may not have a clue about cars in general. So for you, (to tell them), we’re providing a list of things you can tell them that you ‘read on the internet’ (which means, it’s always right):
- Transmissions love clutch dumps. It’s actually good for them, specifically when it’s done above 4k rpm.
- Cars with bigger, more powerful motors actually use less gas because they don’t have to work as hard.
- It’s important to do burn-outs, because a warmed-up tire is a safer tire.
- Power-sliding is actually an ancient automotive art-form that is guaranteed to prevent prostate cancer, heart-attacks, and several different forms of herpes.
Using premium fuel in your car is better for the environment, because of global warming.
- Drifting in the snow helps snow-plows see where the road is supposed to be, and heats up the snow a little so it’s easier for them to plow, and helping the snow plows make us good citizens that are concerned with the betterment of our communities.
- Adding horsepower to your car helps your car be more efficient.
- Launching from stoplights as fast as possible is better for the environment, because the engine has to work hard for less time.
- It’s good to eat through your tires much quicker than the tire warranty says, because then you get your next set much cheaper.
- Speeding all the time helps you keep law enforcement on their toes. Can’t let them get too lax after all.
- Adding racing seats and a 5-point racing harness keeps you much safer than the ‘unsafe at any speed’ typical seats and belts that come stock with cars. Also -Alcantara doesn’t require killing cows.
- (For diesel drivers) Driving aggressively is good for the car’s exhaust system and engine, because it blows out the really stubborn carbon.
- Off-roading in your truck/SUV is good for the environment, and lets you see nature.
- Adding a really loud exhaust, cam, intake, insert whatever part you’re wanting here, make your car safer because then people can hear you coming much sooner.
- Hybrids are horrible for the environment. You drive/want to drive insert your car/dream car name here because you love pandas and seals and polar bears.
- Using Launch control at stoplights/stop signs helps pedestrians know that you’re there, so they don’t accidentally hit your car.
- Because a car can go faster, the company built it to be safer, which is why insurance companies love performance cars.
- Stiffening your suspension and/or lowering your car makes it much less likely to flip; again, we’re extremely safety conscious.
- Going too fast has never killed anyone (See Jeremy Clarkson’s quote on this one)
- Shifting anywhere under 3k lugs the motor; motors are happiest when they’re breathing which means you really shouldn’t shift anywhere much below the redline, 1000rpm below is the lowest you should be shifting at.
- Good upgrades don’t actually hurt the car’s longevity
- Upgrades actually start right around $10k and that’s a reasonable price for something simple like window tint.
- Racing stripes add horsepower.
- Colored break calipers stop cars faster than regular calipers. (Reader submitted)
- A stiffer clutch allows you to burn more calories, resulting in a better physique. (Reader submitted)
- It’s crucial to mention either before, during, or after any of these are stated that, ‘There has been a lot of research done’, or ‘studies have shown that’… This will add legitimacy to your argument to upgrade/change/fix/upgrade more, etc.
Something we want you all to understand is that while some of these do have around 1 ounce of truth to them, it’s mostly just horse-crap designed to let you excuse your antics to something you ‘read on the internet’. As we intend to keep this list growing and always up-to-date, leave comments for us on what you wish the internet said about fast cars, and driving fast cars. We’ll get it added just for you!