Cars of the miniature has a go at the miniature escort
Hello, giants and miniature fellas, and welcome to this tribe . In this occasional…thing on DriveTribe we’ll be messing around with the cars of the miniature and sometimes reviewing them AND their performance, and that’s not on a Hot Wheels track but in the daily lives of the little ones. That’s not Lego Minifigures, not Action Man and not even homunculi, but they are…humans tinier than Richard Hammond…people like Christopher Eccleston in The Borrowers.
Now if you see this as not only a sort of motoring column for the little, but also as a way to regain toys’ honour and glory, then you are unquestionably correct. It’s a revolutionary way to change how people, especially adults and teenagers who have abandoned their childhood companions to turn their fingers into typewriters’ type levers, look to toys. It’s a way to stop teenagers from bullying their broad-minded classmate who likes to experiment with toys, and to stop his parents from telling him that toys are only for children. I mean, they know they’re not all for kids. It’s about time we started appreciating our toys that have shaped each and everyone’s personality and character during their primary scoialisation. Toys that can tell you a lot about a country. Hornby and Lego. The war victors and the ones who were left with nothing after the war. Hornby that made losses this year and Lego which undoubtedly didn’t.
Moving on, this time we’ll be looking at the Hot Wheels model of the Ford Escort RS1600, the car that proved to be the most fuel efficient on the giants’ Top Gear. Unfortunately, the little people’s automotive industry is starting from the point where the giants’ automotive industry reached so far, that’s electric cars. The little people’s car industry will have to start with the electric technology, but with a little more work and research we might be able to make them run on fuel.
The Hot Wheels model of the Ford Escort is one of the best cars to be fitted with an electric engine because the distance between the bottom of the car and its roof is relatively big. It’s even better if you get rid of your windshield, windows and some of the seats. Unfortunately, fitting that engine needs a drill or a bit of soldering, so I thought of providing the Ford Escort with a mightier engine. The little people may regard it as a rocket engine, but giants call them little fireworks. The direction the car will heading in will be as unpredictable as radioactive decay, but it will be going at what the little people would see as the speed of sound.
However, there are a few problems. The Ford Escort comes with only one door mirror and highly flammable headlights. They start melting at about 50 degrees Celsius. Moreover, the sort of stickers/stripes are not perfectly aligned on the bonnet. And as I said earlier, there’s no steering when you have rocket engines. It also comes with almost no dashboard, and the dials are more visible to pedestrians than they are to the driver. In fact, the driver will never be able to see the dials, unless they use a periscope. It also comes with a red thing...probably for ISIS to do some training.
In a nutshell, the Ford Escort is the definitive conservative car, but it’s better than the Allegro and the “car that reminds you of how unfortunate you are” the Vanden Plas. It’s the Thatcher era, the good times and the drawbacks.