- Image: Audi Media Centre

Dear Car Makers: please stop using fake exhausts

Who believed they were a good idea?

40w ago

Honesty: it's a simple method whereby you can grow and harvest a farm of trust between two or more people. Honestly earns you true friends, honesty gives you no excuses to act in a different way than you normally would. But most of all, honesty earns you one thing that money can't buy: respect.

Let me put it to you this way: there are two watches in a store you've walked into. One has a standard, normal crown that you pull out to adjust the displayed time. The other one costs similar money, yet the crown is a complete fraud. It's there for show and has no function whatsoever, other than to look like a crown.

Naturally, you'll be buying the watch with the functioning crown. No explanation is required in your choice because that's where your trust in the brand has been established. You don't want to buy into lies. You don't want to buy an object of potential embarrassment when someone asks to have a close look at your new timepiece.

So then, I pledge to car manufacturers around the globe: why? Why have fake exhaust tips become a thing in the industry? And more importantly, when is this going to stop?

Image: Audi Media Centre

Image: Audi Media Centre

At the moment, these fraudulent tips of shame are my biggest gripe in the modern car industry. I needn't explain myself because anyone with two cells of sense will ask the same question: why?

All they represent is posing, ego, and even embarrassment on a cold morning when onlookers realise that the fumes aren't coming from the flashy, chrome pipes. Who at manufacturers' design rooms draw them up and think "yeah, they'll be fine." But guess what? They're not fine!

Usually when doing an opinion piece, there's always a counter argument to suggest why the writer has missed out on a few points - or even got the whole thing wrong. But in the case of fake exhausts? I doubt there is even a millimetre gap to which a possible counter argument could squeeze through.

Image: Volkswagen Newsroom

Image: Volkswagen Newsroom

As I mentioned in the beginning, honesty earns you friends and most importantly, respect in social circles. Car manufacturers have been doing similar things for decades towards their customers. Across the globe, you will find people who are religiously attached to a particular brand of car; they continuously buy their new models or have owned several throughout their lives. Like Fords and Chevys in the USA or Minis to Land Rovers here in the UK.

I'm not directing hate towards particular manufacturers; there are a lot of brands around the world that use fake exhausts these days. I'm only having a rant at the general trend because if more people notice and realise how tacky and pointless they are, just how much are they going to trust the rest of the car? How will they know what and what doesn't serve a true purpose?

It's like the watch analogy: you wouldn't dare buy a timepiece made by Rolex, Richard Mile, Omega etc. without a functional crown. So, why would you throw your no-nonsense, hard-earned money at a car with features that are the equivalent to a strap-on? Not only is it blatantly fake, but it's plain sad.

Car manufacturers need to go back to being honest again.

Thanks for reading

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Comments (102)

  • It's not a new phenomenon, sadly. Look closely at this picture of Titanic.

    There's no smoke coming from the rearmost 'Zorst. Back then, as now with cars. The more Zorsts it had, the more powerful and impressive it was. So, Titanic, and her two twin sisters had 4 funnels despite only needing 3. The rear one was completely fake.

    Mat Watson would need a bloody big stick of truth to check that one!

      9 months ago
    • Gosh you're not wrong there, Dan. Mat would need a flipping oak tree to test that one!

        9 months ago
    • Wasnt the fourth stack added to balance the Titanic? πŸ˜‹

        9 months ago
  • I agree; however, I’d add fake vents/grills onto that list, too.

    … and don’t even get me started on the fake badges #M

      9 months ago
    • The fake badges are usually aftermarket items the manufacturer has no control over. The fake exhausts are a crime against humanity, willingly committed by those manufacturers for no apparent reason.

        9 months ago
    • Vents are another huge gripe, oh man. The nerve of some designers..

        9 months ago
  • I agree 100% with every point you make. Fake exhaust are among the worst things on cars, and by far *the* worst thing people can buy straight from the factory.

    I may disagree with some choices people make. Every now and then, I will see a color I wouldn't have chosen in a million years, or a set of alloys that I dislike, but I can blame that on taste- as many people know, I don't have any, so probably the aesthetic value of certain things escapes me. The fake exhausts however don't fall in that category. They are not ugly, they are not tacky- they are just plainly and obviously wrong. I'm interested to hear people's motivations to have them, but unless they have very, very specific reasons I'm afraid they'll have to go straight to the loony bin.

      9 months ago
    • I can't even think of a specific reason tbh. Someone else would.have to answer that one... which'll probably be nobody, lol.

        9 months ago
  • I pulled up behind a reasonably new Golf R at some traffic lights last night and could clearly see that there was only one of the exhausts of the twin exit pipes on both sides of the was actually working. Two twin exit exhausts.... and only one each side working! Why VW? Why?

      9 months ago
    • What the hell? That is silly, considering its circa 30k worth of car.

        9 months ago
    • I don’t know for sure about the golf R, but some cars with multiple exhaust exits also include a β€œflap” system as part of the overall set up, that will shut down one/some of the exits when appropriate (pottering around town for example) but...

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        9 months ago
  • Fake boobs, alcohol free beer and now fake exhaust tips, oh the humanity make it stop.

      9 months ago