Dear People With Loud Cars
I promise you I'm not pithy or pathetic for writing this article. I love loud cars with loud exhausts. I really do. I think it's a core part of motoring. It can also be an art form, like singing. It gives each of our cars it's own unique tone which we can identify that car.
Here's the thing, some people should have the ability to allow their car to roar muffled. I've got this neighbour who recently acquired a Range Rover Sport SVR. A fantastic car, I would recommend anyone who is thinking about purchasing one to stop second-guessing yourself and straight write a cheque. It's one of the fastest SUVs on the market and has a brilliant distinct sound. And I love hearing that sound. I hear it in dealership all the time. I just don't like hearing it at 2am on a Wednesday.
It's quite obvious to me what is happening here. My neighbour, with his vast fortune, who is most likely case unemployed, spends his nights with his other rich playboy mates. And so when he's had enough Patron and caviar on a weeknight he decides to show off his toy.
I wouldn't mind if he was just starting it up and backing it out of the driveway, but he doesn't. He keeps it in the garage and plants his foot into the throttle multiple times, mashing it until it makes a sound loud enough to get all of his mates to crack a stiffy.
He's actually done this a couple of times early on a Saturday. When I say early, I mean like 5 or 6am. I mean I party on weekends. But I'm not 18, I could not possibly go for 12 hours straight. Besides which the dude is another 10 years older than me.
I found out last week that this is actually a common occurrence as well. I have other friends in upper-class neighbourhoods who have similar problems. One with a Ferrari, another with a Ford Mustang V8. It all came up when I just about fell asleep in my dinner whilst out with friends.
It got me thinking, there are more times when people with loud cars really annoy me. It's worth mentioning here that I own a loud car myself, I just don't mash the throttle whenever I get the chance. That aside, this brings up a good pet hate of mine. Traffic lights, more specifically people who mash their throttle at traffic lights.
Don't get me wrong, I love The Fast and The Furious as much as the next guy. But please, don't in-dignify yourself by revving your Honda Civic when you pull up beside a car which is remotely fast. Trust me when I say your DIY modifications are not a rival superpower to the Subaru WRX's world-renowned all-wheel-drive system or the BMW M5 Competition's blistering straight line acceleration. Your attempts are pathetic.
"But it's okay right guys? Because I have a loud car. If my car's loud then it's obviously fast as well. "
It's actually a bit immature right? Like in high school when there was always someone who decided they were right in a debate by being able to yell louder. This is exactly that, except in cars.
So here's my advice. If you have a loud car? Follow these rules. 1) only ever on the road, 2) never after 11pm on any given night, 3) traffic lights are for safety not for drag racing, 4) if your car is loud but not fast? Well, I got nothing for you. Probably time to go and buy a new car.