Don't Say Mean Things About Minivans
(They can hear you, it hurts their feelings)
Nobody likes a minivan, nobody. But have you ever thought that the minivan doesn't like itself? It's true, it is scientifically proven that 95% of minivans are faced with clinical depression due to genetics. These poor minivans are wallowing in self doubt and the whole time we're slamming their doors and cursing them for how they look. They know that they are ugly. This abuse needs to stop, don't be abusive to your minivan. If you see anyone who abuses minivans you should report it immediately to minivan support care. You should love and take care of your minivan. If you don't have a minivan you should adopt one today at your local minivan adoption center. Don't let SUV's get all the glory, minivans can be just as good. The performance from some of these vans is incredible, all you have to do is give them a little encouragement.
If you have adopted a minivan I encourage you to go sit in it now, just wait for five minutes and listen. Can you hear it? It's the spirt of minivany-ecstasy calling to you to do some modifications. "Drop my frame 6 inches, give me excessive camber" it whispers. "I once was depressed, but my cure is a turbo, perhaps a splitter and a wing". If you answer this voice and do as it says your minivan will be forever in debt to you. It will be your worthy steed for as long as you live. But those who do not answer the call will have major issues later on down the road, (see what I did there?) their performance will decrease and their minivan will hate them forever. Symptoms include: The gas tank randomly draining , structural problems with frame, air disappearing out of tires without puncture, a sad sigh from your car every five miles. The list goes on like a medicinal commercial. This is the path one would be wise not to choose, so go ahead and drop 15k on some modifications so that your minivan doesn't haunt your dreams.
I hope you enjoyed my dry humor.