DTFM: Rich Text Radio (Ralphie 'Ralphs' Inside the SSC Tuatara)

"This should have been sponsored by Pepto-Bismol"

36w ago

DTFM: RTR “Coming up next - Ralphi ‘Ralphs’ inside an SSC Tuatara”

(Sensual Lady Voice: You’re Listening to Rich Text Radio {Rich Tex} {Rich Text} {Rich Text} {Rich Text} Rich Text Radio, only on DriveTribeFM)

DJ Ravi: Welcome back, drivers and riders - this is the Rich Text Radio morning show, and you’re still here, tuned in, turned on, and transmitting the power of sound with your master pilots - Arnold Tarmac, and, most importantly, our main man of the morning -

Make some noise for the only human being, so far, in the World, to literally blew chunks from riding inside of the $1.9MM hyper car, introducing - Mr. Ralphie AKA Thunderbread.

Tarmac: (Round of applause for this journalist, ladies and gentlemen. How was lunch? Are you hungry?

DJ Ravi: Again!?? hahaha (Tarmac: Hahahahahaa, yea, “again?”)

Ralphie: Look guys, everything is cool, nothing was damaged, or tampered with on the inside. Just the smell of hot pockets for a little bit, but it all aired out…. eventually.

Tarmac: So come on, now. you have to tell us the story - (DJ Ravi: IN FULL, no details left out)

Ralphie: Alright, alright, so as you know, after the show, I had a couple of days until the flight out to - Can I say where we were?

DJ Ravi: Call it, ‘Trackland”, hahaha (Tarmac: I LOVEEEE Trackland. Population 2, my car and me, hahaha)

Ralphie: hahaha, alright, so, I fly to Trackland, and meet up with the staff and eventually the teams in charge of the run for the day. I wasn’t the only journalist around, I mean, there were A LOT of people there, but only to capture footage and film the runs in motion. A lot of fans as well.

(DJ Ravi: Yea, I bet)

Ralphie: The car shows up to the - I mean, ‘Trackland’, and everyone crowds the platform to the point the driver and staff of the event had to barricade the scene from the cameramen and photographers. Eventually, the car is ejected, lowered, and placed on the roadway. When it’s entirely opened up, doors, bonnet, boot, everything - it looks like fancy metal origami themed cuts, curves, and tapered edgings. It’s a sight to see, for sure.

(Tarmac: That reptile, lizard looking thing - )

Exactly - the tuatara. So, once I get my papers of release and compliance, I make my way to the car, shake the driver’s hand, and we enter inside. It was equal to sitting inside of a spaceship. The look, the feel, it even smelled like a car on the next level of innovation. I feel so bad for ralphing inside of it -

We start the engine and roll out onto the roadway. The flaggers take off along the side of the road to their posted locations, and we run a quick check of ourselves and the actual car itself. The walkie-talkie sounded off,

“[Driver’s name], we’re ready when you are, Champ.” He looks over at me and simply says,

“No turning back now, friend”, and we were off.

You know when you’re sitting still while the car is in motion and the images of the closest objects to the window just, if you look EXTREMELY closely, you can get that instant view of it? Even beyond 110mph or more, that super quick glimpse of the object?

HA! Not in here. If the car was a paint brush, everything outside of the window was smeared together with artistically divined scenes of hyper-active machinery and high speeds at work. Together. In unison. Like the gods wanted it to be.

After surpassing Bugatti top speed range, the scene inside was serious. The driver never flinched, wiggled, or adjusted his hand placement until that moment - briefly.

The wind sound was a thin whistle, caked heavily from the backseat cave, home to the pack of lions where the engine was boasting loudly and proudly at how hard she was producing such speeds. My legs started to shake a bit, and that is when the earlier lunch of the day started making moves.

(Tarmac: Haaahahaha, Oh boyy)

Once we passed the cones, the speeds were not important anymore, I just needed to park for a moment, like, five miles ago.

When you travel at the speeds we were tracking, cruising casually at 125 feels like a friendly footrace from A to B. This is when I asked could we stop for a moment, and without delay, the driver’s head snapped in my direction, and instantly, we weaved to the far right, just beside the rubble strips and I got out as fast as I could and let the desert feast on my $19 brunch.

I could hear the walkie-talkie asking the driver what was wrong, questioning their concerns for us, and why we were stationary so soon while still on the tarmac. The trucks from miles ago were on their way, evident from the flickering of the sun reflecting off of their windshields. The driver asked, ‘was I alright?’ and I simply nodded. He opened the door and got out to walk around where I was squatted along the sand. The staff in the pick-up truck was present, along with a medic and a bag of random medical supplies.

So, long story short, I did blow chunks riding in the Tuatara, but after we parked first.

DJ Ravi: What a lightweight, hahaha

Tarmac: Hey, this segment was brought to you in part by Pepto-Bismol. When your little tum-tum can’t handle high speeds. hahaha

DJ Ravi: And on that note, we’re going to pay a few bills and continue the morning show with your hosts, Arnold Tarmac and Ralphie, AKA Thunderbread after these messages from DriveTribe.


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