Elon Musk Is a Chad. Here's Why.

I love all cars. While I certainly have my favorites (cough Toyota Celica sixth-gen cough), I have a respect for every car (even you, Mitsubishi Mirage). However, I hate Teslas.

They're stupid. They're not even the "fastest car," much to the chagrin of all the "but actually" auto enthusiasts out there. Supercars, like the Bugatti Veyron Grand Sport Vitesse, have a shorter 0-60 time, and even comparatively affordable cars, like Nissan GT-R Track Edition beat Teslas by a few tenths of a second. Sure, they're fast. But they're not THAT fast.

Nontraditional engines based on traditional ICE power-trains can still best a Tesla's performance, at least for now.

Nontraditional engines based on traditional ICE power-trains can still best a Tesla's performance, at least for now.

Tesla has some seriously awful business practices. Banning salvage cars from the supercharger network (a major selling point of the cars), removing options retroactively, an awful part network that makes an out-of-warranty Tesla almost about as good an idea as a used Jaguar, union-busting, not posting required safety notices in factories because big daddy Elon doesn't like the color, and many, many more. I have never bought or driven a Tesla, and I refuse to ever do so.

Yet, I called Big Daddy Elon a chad. While I insult his life's work, and my general dislike for him seems to grow by the day, every once in a while he does something that gains my awe and respect. Now is one of those times.

I have made a serious effort not to mention this year's Coronavirus in my articles, because if you wanted to hear more about that you wouldn't be reading an article on a car website. For this, however, I'll make an exception. Elon Musk moved to reopen his factories without permission from the state of California.

Now, I hate California even more than I hate Teslas (I've never been there, and I hope never to have to) and the state government surprises me seemingly every day with some ridiculous decision. This, however, takes the cake. After getting flak for his now-infamous "Reopen America!" tweet, and his obvious attempt to lower Tesla stock prices so he could buy it back by simply tweeting "Tesla stock is too high" (hint, it is, Tesla is dramatically over-valued), Elon tweeted of his plans to reopen the Tesla plant.

Tesla stock prices have fluctuated dramatically

Tesla stock prices have fluctuated dramatically

The California state government gave retroactive permission for him to do so, but this was likely a move to save face. The fact is this: ELON MUSK WOULD HAVE REOPENED HIS FACTORIES IN DIRECT VIOLATION OF THE STATE GOVERNMENT.

What a freaking Chad.

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Comments (2)

  • Yes a Tesla Model S is the quickest production car ever made, with a 0-60 time of 2.3 seconds

      19 days ago
    • The Porsche 918 Spyder, Dodge Challenger SRT Demon, Bugatti Chiron, and Ariel atom (not quite a production car) are all still faster than that

        19 days ago
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