- A​bove-the new car. I’d be staggered if you can tell me which is which. Besides the fact that one looks like a oversized tennis ball with wheels.

E​nthusiast Cars

M​3 and M4

37w ago

A fellow College attendee proudly informed me yesterday that, having passed his driving test, he was going to chop out the “mid box” from his OEM exhaust on his Civic, “to make it louder”. And as far as I know, he has less experience with welding than my front door. Clearly, he has entered the fabled ‘Ricer’ phase. I didn’t bother telling him that doing this experiment would result in any insurance companies hightailing it to the hills, and that it would also make his car sound akin to my Grandma’s lawnmower mating with a cow. And he’d get exhaust leaks.

A​nyway, moving away from youths slapping eBay exhausts on ancient JDM cars to a more civilised side of enthusiast cars. The new M3 and M4. I’m gonna talk about the grille first, because everyone is, and I want to get it out the way. Obviously the grille department of BMW has had their budget raised, and they’re keen to use up all their money so they don’t get a smaller budget next year. Or, since electric cars don’t need grilles anymore, BMW are just annoyed that they have a surplus of grille plastic that they can’t use for much longer, and have to get rid of it. All jokes aside though, it doesn’t look that bad, and we can trace the vertical kidney grilles back to ye olden days of automotive infancy. Plus, the cars shouldn’t have issues with overheating.

T​he back is quite amicable, even if some smooth brains reckon they stole the exhaust design from Lexus, and they have possibly the coolest seats known to mankind. In my mind anyway. It only comes with the most hated thing on car forums- an automatic transmission. Obviously, if you are any kind of car enthusiast, you would sooner own a PT cruiser than have an auto ‘box. Obviously. The act of manually swapping gears involves you with the car, blah blah blah, and you’re more connected with the car... more guff... random balderdash.... Never mind that autos usually make you quicker to 60, or that flicking the paddles is like shooting an actual gun. With lasers. In my head anyway.

T​hey’re not featherweights, these two new Ms. Nowhere near Welterweight, either. The M3 Comp weighs 1730kg on your drive, and the M4 slightly less, strangely enough. Not that it matters they’re heavy-with 503 of rice pudding skin pulling horses, they get to 60 in just under 4 seconds, and have many more boring stats associated with them, but I’m not gonna tell you about them now, else you’ll get bored. Oh, by the way, there’s an estate version on the way. First M3 estate that ever got past the prototype stage, or something like that. People seem excited about it. I know I am.

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