Everything I detest about cycling in just a brief few minutes.

I cycled once. I was eight. Dreadful.

32w ago

That was a joke, I cycle now and again still, only if my friend wants me to, or I have to go to the village for my mom, etc etc. But I don't like bikes. So let me explain why.

Bikes are ugly for a start:

You know what I love about cars? They look awesome, and no two look the same, ever.....well unless you do one of those DIY Rav4 into Urus conversions but I have a special hatred to those who do that. But bikes....I mean come on it's a frame with handlebars, two wheels and can only be made different by putting some stripes on it. You can go on with all suspension and stuff but hell who even cares when you have to get to the suspension to notice visual difference. There is nothing overly cool or exciting about the way I bicycle looks. For example, I went on the internet this week, and I found this:

Now christ alive, you know something is pretty boring if even Audi can't make it look original. It bewilders me to see people getting all hyped-up over a "sick new bike" that looks exactly like every other sick bike they've ever seen. And don't even think about throwing out the whole "WeLl AaRoN pPl CaN sAy ThE sAmE aBoUt YoUr LoVe FoR cArS" but I politely request you shut up because then how does one explain this:

The new and I believe quite handsome looking BMW 4 series.

The new and I believe quite handsome looking BMW 4 series.

The also new and brilliantly designed Kia Sportage.

The also new and brilliantly designed Kia Sportage.

Explain where this level of diversity lies in the world of the bicycle. Now obviously I won't see it in great light anyway if I'm not a bike-loving freak, but even trying to see it just isn't working out. They literally are all so similar it's incredibly uninteresting. Now onto the notion that the key to cycling joy isn't in the appearance at all (and it wouldn't wanna be).

I have felt more pleasant rides falling down the stairs.

Now here is my key upper hand in the great cycling debate. I have grown up nearly every year of my life so far with a bike. I have gone reasonably far and reasonably on two wheels throughout the years, and I have to say there is truly no better feeling than getting off of a bike, and that is because of the absolute discomfort experienced while cycling. Perfectly flat built road, lovely. Enjoy numbing the ol' rear end on the almost always dreadful seats and having to do actual tiring physical work to go 10 metres. No. Oh and did I mention the broken back from the posture and the itchy hands from gripping the handlebars. And even if you do spend 1 million billion trillion euro on a bike, you can only take it out on sunny days, or you'll get frostbite or be drownded in the rain like an idiot. Surely no one can turn around and say that sounds like a day well spent. So if you want a good daily cycle, you'll have to move to Jamaica. I see no other solution and not everyone can just get up and go to Jamaica. OH WAIT and that is only for those who are only ever on those 'perfect roads' I mentioned earlier. And what if Jamaica doesn;t have those perfect roads? Ok I've gotten really lost with this.

Cycle-safety means kicking the cars off the roads built.....for cars....?

Those who know me well know I do like safety. Which is the reason why I, at 16, have already outlived friends and family younger than me who didn't quite think the same. Although at the same time that doesn't mean I don't like taking my chances, because I really do😂, I am just one for plans, for control, and for making the best with it. Cycling is pretty much sitting on a stick doing 30+kph if you try hard enough at oncoming big boxes of metal doing three times that. With bikes, you fall off, you die. Definetely no exaggeration there at all. They really are amazingly unsafe when all things are considered, not that has ever stopped me, just I don't see how when everything mentioned previously is put in together, people scream and shout to get to the likes of the Tour de France and that. Famously deadly game that. I just love the comfort of being in my car with it's awesome space and feel and design.

So what are we saying then?

Ah, well we are saying that no, Ferdi and the dutch are not wrong for doing everything on a bike, because when a bike is a necessity for travel and that, there is no reason not to use it. Basically I am pretty much just complaining about my dislike for cycling as a hobby, and now that I think about that really is completely pointless. Although this is a rant posted in all rants so I must've done something right. Anyway hope you enjoyed and please follow me so I can be famous please and thanks.


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Comments (25)

  • I can agree to some extent. Bikes can be great if you want to just nip to the shop without faffing around like you might in a car. I do however agree on the ride and comfort, it's as it designers say "lets make sure the seat goes up there ass and lower the handle bars so that the rider's kissing the tyre"

      7 months ago
  • Ur plain wrong. If you find the right bike, you can get a very comfy seat (they are ACTUALLY that hard to find).

    If you find the correct bike you can make riding over rough trails fun.

    In Chicago, I bet that there is much worse weather than Ireland, so no complaining about that and even in Chicago there are many good weekends where i can go biking with my family

      7 months ago
    • I can still complain just because my weather isnt as bad as chicagos🤣

      and ye i feel like that wud be possible i just wanted my reasoning to be explained. Thats my case, not everyones😁

        7 months ago
  • Im not into bikes, and I’m happy for other people to be into bikes. What does annoy me though is I’ve been on duel carriageways where cyclists have also cycled on them. There’s one particular example I’m thinking of in Edinburgh (the road immediately South of the airport). This is a road that has a path on either side, and the road is quite busy during rush hour (it moves fine but it’s difficult to change lanes). In this situation it is not rare to have someone cycling along this dual carriageway, completely slowing down traffic (as one lane has to stay at the speed of this idiot, and the other lane constantly has vehicles changing lanes to overtake them). It is just incredibly stupid

      7 months ago
    • Oh god that does seem messy, especially if changing lanes can be tough as it is.

      Also thanks for always liking and commenting on my rubbish🤣

        7 months ago
    • No problem! What I don’t understand about that road is that there is a path nearly the entire length, which in fairness is illegal to cycle along, but why doesn’t the council just make it into a cycle path?

        7 months ago
  • All teens hate cycling because they have to cycle.

    Then you grow up, become an adult, start working that job, buy a car, get stuck in traffic every day, do the shitty job, go back to your home and mortgage and get stuck in f*****g traffic again. You're beat, and when you get home the wife and kids start whinging about all the stuff they want, and all you do is work en be stuck traffic...


    Then you get on to your bike in the weekend, just to regain some of the feeling of freedom you had in your youth...

    Enjoy it while it lasts.

      7 months ago
    • That will not. And believe me when I say this. Will not, be my life. Not for one second. I simply cant let that happen because i realise my mistake of putting the bar too high too early, and now ive gotta reach it. I understand your viewpoint but...

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        7 months ago