The bad news. The F1 season is over.
The good news. You’ve still got my much-anticipated F1 Advent Calendar to look forward to!
Where behind every door lies an image which will bring a smile to your face. And remind you of just how you felt the very first time you gained access to Babestation X. Rest assured I’ve thought of everything and everyone, both festive and Formula One-ish; and wrapped the resultant imagery in a seasonal blanket of goodwill to all men (and women). Or as the case may be, uploaded it here to this warm and fuzzy place we like to call Drivetribe.
I mean, where else would you discover Romain Grosjean projected as an ass (aside from a race circuit, most weekends through the summer months)? Or Lewis Hammertime offering up gifts of ludicrously-proportioned gold chains to the baby Jesus? Nowhere, apart from here. Unfortunately, and due to the underlying fact my laptop has reached its limit re: image files, the Drivl F1 Advent Calendar will comprise of a more untraditional 10 pictures to be found behind previously closed virtual portals into a world of plenty. Where if we’re lucky we can spread a smile of joy and throw our arms around the world. At Christmastime. God say a prayer. Etc.
He’s behind you! No literally, he IS right behind you. Which is of course a very familiar feeling for other F1 drivers who have lined up on the grid the past few seasons, who are used to seeing a certain driver breathing down their neck. Yes, we’re referring to the one and only Remain Grosjean. Who, unlike Christmas itself, is the gif that keeps on giffing.
They came from migical-sounding, faraway places (like Stevenage, somewhere in Finland and a land down under) bearing gifts for the baby Jesus. A treasure trove of goldie-lookin chains which were more Run than even DMC, a boot-cum-drinking vessel and a bottle of vodka. Gold, Frankenshoes and Meh, if you like.....
Like the miracle of the immaculate conception itself, Robert Kubica has returned from the ashes, phoenix-like, as he prepares to get himself comfy in the seat of a Williams in the 2019 season. And yes, your eyes do not deceive you. That IS a halo, but of the more conventional variety.
Hark! For is that not the sound of a Triumph Herald engine singing? No, indeed it is not. But instead it’s our little lord and saviour of F1 himself, Charles Leclerc. Look at him, lying there in his manger playing Gran Turismo on the Playstation. Is he not a picture of childish innocence….
With a stash of AA batteries close to hand, it’s time to fling open the advent calendar door to welcome Lando Norris, Antonio Giovinazzi, Alexander Albon and George Russell. Can you picture a more heart-warming scene on Christmas Day morning than this quartet of F1 rookies, gathered around an open fire playing with their new Scalextric set? I very much doubt it.
Ah, here they both are. Full of the festive spirit and looking to kiss and make up after their well-publicised lover’s tiff. Star-crossed lovers, Juliet Magnussen and Romeo Hulkenberg caught unawares, stealing a moment beneath the mistletoe.
What have we here folks? Well, it appears to be recently-retired F1 legend and latter years grumble-merchant, Nando Alonso letting his hair down at Christmas. For no longer must the amiable Spaniard – and former back-to-back Driver’s Championship winner – maintain a rigorous fitness regime and adhere to a calorie-controlled diet now that he’s hung his driving gloves up. Which explains why Nando is observed here sat in a corner completely unawares, as he chows down on a delicious Christmas pudding like there’s no tomorrow.
Oh dear. It seems that all Valtteri’s friends have failed to join him at the Christmas dinner table, having been invited to alternative feasts of Eden, Stephen, Passover and every other nosh-up where Valtteri isn’t. Which is a big shame. Still, Valtteri seems to have not let this ruin the occasion, as he enjoys his hideous novelty jumper and pulls crackers with himself in a sort of comi-tragic re-enactment of the feast of Eddie Jordan.
Aha. A scene depicting young Pierre Gasly, whose being read the Dickens’ classic…“Oh! But he was a tight-fisted hand at the grindstone, Scrooge! A squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping, clutching, covetous, old sinner! Hard and sharp as flint, from which no steel had ever struck out generous fire; secret, and self-contained, and solitary as an oyster”. Yup, Ecclestone for those of you unfamiliar with Marley’s Ghost. And if that vision gave you the willies, wait till you hear all about the ghosts of the present (Chase Carey) and future (Simon Cowell). A more haunting scene you’ll struggle to find…..
He’s walking in the air. As, essentially, it’s the only way he stands a chance of getting past Lewis Hammertime. Yeah, the parallels between Seb Vettel and author, Raymond Briggs’ Snowman are uncanny. A personable character off the track who inspires youngsters on it, yet whose own promise is very short-lived each season. So brief that it’s pretty much melted away into oblivion after the short break each summer. And after he’s given us a brief insight into what might have been. Oh well. There’s always next Christmas…..