F1: the answer

This will make it worth doing and worth watching

4y ago
353K

How do we sort out Formula One? Elsewhere, Clarkson argues that wings should be banned, and it’s not a bad idea. But I think we need to go further. First, we need to answer a fundamental question.

Is F1 a pure spectacle, or a technology crucible? I’ve decided it should be the latter, because, as it is, it can never be good to watch. Professional drivers are just too consistent, and we know before the race which is the fastest car/driver combination. So the only thing that changes the result is a cock-up, a breakdown, or some dreary tactical stuff about changing tyres.

But don’t worry, because F1 as a technological struggle will be a right laugh.

Here are my rules. The first is that there are no rules, because innovation does not permit them. Progress belongs to anarchic and unreasonable people, not conformists. I would limit the length and width of the car, and the total energy consumption (in joules), but that’s it. Anything else goes. Steam power, if you can make it work.

'Your mate wants the Japanese chef to win.'

James Maybetalkingbollox

My second rule is that there can be no team drivers. Instead, each week, the drivers are selected at random from the public using a system similar to British jury service; that is, a letter arrives, and unless you’re in prison, a student or about to give birth, you have to drive for McLaren for a week. Testing, practice, qualifying. It’s the law.

Pre-race interviews are already much more interesting, because they’re with a plumber, a baker, an accountant and a retired woodwork teacher, any of whom will earn £1m if they win. Rooting for the affable builders’ merchant from Manchester when your mate wants the Japanese chef to win is all part of the fun.

This is a great stimulus to the constructors. They will have to design a whole range of cars, and which one they field will depend on what sort of driver they get. The need for absolute performance will have to be weighed against usability, because you might get Lewis Hamilton on Driver Service but you might get me, or my dad. Driver aids are permitted, which will help with the development of the autonomous car, and safety will have to be of the utmost importance, because you can’t kill the general public in the name of sport.

Finally, F1 is relevant. It’s still about performance, but of a sort applicable to the car you actually buy. It has to be, because you might be driving. More to the point, next year’s Belgian Grand Prix might be won by a seamstress from Delhi.

You want to watch that, don’t you?

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Comments (205)

  • Start taking the meds my dear

      4 years ago
  • I wonder if it would become a chore like jury duty. Oh crap I've been selected to drive in F1 again. I hope it isn't for McLaren-Honda this time.

      4 years ago
    • I've done jury service twice, and tried very hard to get out of it both times. Failed.

        4 years ago
  • Brilliant! with one proviso. You would have to make the drivers' pool voluntary, in other words let people dive into it rather than being conscripted, and they would have to pass a physical to show that they would be capable of finishing the race without having a heart attack or that they can see more than 30 feet. That way you would get driving enthusiasts, and the great thing about driving enthusiasts is that most of them think they are much better drivers than they actually are, so there would be risk taking. The seamstress from Delhi would be more likely to take the hare and tortoise approach I think.

      4 years ago
  • @James May why can't this be added to TGT 2? you, Jeremy, and Richard are the "constructors" and we fans are the drivers. have a sign up on the internet and a drawing every week. it would certainly be a blast to drive one of your cheap car racing creations around the eboladrome. I'm sure for insurance reasons we wouldn't go wheel to wheel but a time trial format maybe? TGT fan in a cheap car power board perhaps?

      4 years ago
  • It would do wonders for recreational gambling. There would be some serious money to be made for he who found patterns; who knows - seamstresses from Delhi might turn out to be fearsome and at some point, someone will be the first to work that out and get very rich.

      4 years ago
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