THE ULTIMATE BANG FOR YOUR BUCK?
MARANELLO, ITALY: Just as Rimac and other supercar manufacturers have announced plans to unleash a horsepower-version of the Battle of Jutland upon the unsuspecting public, Ferrari, suddenly feeling that their 949hp LaFerrari is now somehow inadequate, has mentioned today, in a hurried bombshell of a press conference, which revealed few details (but a lot of frenzied arm waving), that they are going to soon release the most-powerful hypercar on the face of the earth.
Called simply, "Detonazione", the all-new Ferrari hypercar will somehow use the untapped power of abandoned, forgotten, unexploded World War II 500-pound bombs in the engine bay of their newest concept vehicle. When asked as to how this was going to be possible, the unnamed Ferrari PR representative merely mentioned that "we were still working out the details", that they had only come up with this idea "while we were all in the middle of our second breakfast this very morning", and that "we penciled out a few sketches on napkins, and we're pretty sure we can eventually make this work, and function well enough to allow potential buyers the ability to use their new Detonazione more than once or twice."
The Ferrari spokesperson noted that these unexploded munitions could be relied upon to not blow up like conventional, often-fragile Ferrari engines, saying, "these bombs have been remarkably stable for nearly a century, and also possess less moving parts which could break or fail. To us here at Ferrari, in addition to the low cost of these powerplants due to most people being somewhat-desperate to part with their prize explosive devices in something of a hurry, this is presented as a 'win-win' for everyone involved."
The Ferrari representative continued on. "If harnessed correctly, the Detonazione would simply explode off of the starting line, blasting existing 0-60 times in half, leaving our competition behind to deal with the emotional fallout." The Ferrari PR person then noted that due to the sheer audaciousness of this vehicle's revolutionary powerplant, its appeal would be forever timeless and not subject to up and down sales like you might see in financial boom-or-bust cycles.
No scientist we spoke to today would offer any comment, and when asked about Ferrari's plans, no representatives of the other super-and-hypercar manufacturers we contacted for this story replied back in time before this story went to print.
Updates will be posted if and when they come available.
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UPDATE: In (hopefully) unrelated news, Porsche has secretly purchased the old Vemork heavy water production facility in Telemark, Norway...
(picture courtesy of Motor1.com