- I​t was pissing down, so this is the only picture you're getting.

G​reat car, crap vid

24w ago


S​ome people clearly think Elon Musk is a bit of a nobber, but I think he may be the embodiment of George Bernard-Shaw's maxim, 'All progress depends on the unreasonable man'.

T​his (above) is the Tesla Model S P100D, and it is a bit unreasonable. It seems quite expensive for a car that doesn't really have an engine or gearbox and all the complicated machining and assembly associated with those things, and no-one of sound mind can claim that details such as the panel gaps are anything like as good as Toyota's. The simple interior is knowingly new-age and is trimmed in vegan leather, which I think means 'plastic'. I actually approve of synthetic interiors, because growing demand for them is encouraging car designers to be a bit creative, and that may bring an end to the spurious belief that sitting on a dead cow's arse is somehow 'posh'. B​ut I wish it could look more like technical clothing, and come in more interesting colours.

B​ut then you see the massive touch-screen in the middle, which is bigger than my biggestest iPad, and that gives me the fizz. I've realised that I'm now at a stage in my life when I have a bit of a panic if I'm in a car that isn't totally and utterly connected, because why wouldn't it be? It's a utility, like running water.

I​f you spend a weekend in a Tesla you will go to a supercharger, and meet other Tesla drivers, who have a reputation for being a big evangelical. But they're not really; they're just enthusiastic about the whole thing. They know this isn't actually the second coming, it's just Elon, 'avin' a shmoke.

A​nyway: I was trying to make a short and informative film about the Model S experience, and I failed, because I'm not unreasonable enough. But here's a bit I thought worth rescuing.

Play video

I​'m not sure owls live in trees, but never mind.

W​ithout the performance upgrade, the Model S is simply an agreeable and inoffensive car with a little bit of an agenda. But throw in the world's most important option and, well, this is the only other bit of the film worth saving:

Play video

A​pparently owls do live in trees. I thought it was just barns and belfries.

I​ would have kept that going a bit longer, but I was already at the speed limit and about to smash the bloke in front into the weeds. Plus, my neck hurt.

T​hat's all folks.