How Shane Dawson’s Make-Up Palette Made Me Love My Car Again.
Yes, I am aware how weird that title sounds and I can assure you that at no point did/will my car ever wear make-up. Anyway, here we go, this is the story of how the brand spanking new Shane Dawson x Jeffree Star Conspiracy eye shadow palette made me fall back in love with my car.
Now, a bit of background! For the last year-and-a-half I’ve owned a little Mazda MX-5 MK2 named Taylor Drift (yes, I stole that from Moog. It’s a great name. Fight me). Of course, she’s modded and set up to drift; that means – among other things – an S2000 LSD, camber arms, wider arches and rock solid HSD coilovers. Sadly however, back in April, she flunked her MOT rather spectacularly and instead of just getting her MOT sorted, I used it as an excuse to go buy myself a new car.
As an adult, I decided that I wanted the opposite of Tay Tay – a practical little car. So, after some bad Top Gear maths (do we have to say Grand Tour maths these days?) I went and purchased a 350Z from a shady Aldi car park in London (my brain works in weird ways). Skipping forward to now, I never gelled with 3FIDDY Cent, simply because he nearly bankrupted me. Due to that fact, I recently got Tay Tay back on the road.
This was something that I was insanely excited about. I couldn’t wait to be back in my little rubbish car and before I knew it, the day arrived. I was back behind the wheel of my little ‘drift’ car. Was I happy? Not really.
She wasn’t how I remembered. Like getting back with an ex, it was massively disappointing because I’d forgotten about all of the bad times, all of those impracticalities that had originally led me to my decision back at the start of the year. Not ideal.
Now, that eye shadow palette (don’t worry, I’ll keep this bit short). It’s basically a make-up collab between two huge Youtubers – Shane Dawson and Jeffree Star. For those not in the know, it’s a fairly massive deal. Due to it being such a big deal, it was almost guaranteed to sell out at the same pace a Chiron gets to 60mph. Hella fast. Set to launch at 17:00 (GMT) today, I had pretty much promised my girlfriend that I’d get it for her as an early Christmas present ... so that's what I planned to do.
As 16:55 rolled around, I was ready on Beauty Bay. Less than two minutes later, that website was down. Another five minutes later, that palette was pretty much sold out everywhere (#insane) and, despite having multiple people on the case, we hadn’t secured one. Well, we hadn’t officially ... but we did have four that we’d managed to put in our carts during the intermittent times that the website was back up.
An hour later, nothing had improved, things were looking bleak and my girlfriend was looking thoroughly defeated. That’s when I was made aware that actual shops selling the physical palette in London were pretty much dead. Hmmm, interesting. Instantly, I jumped on Google and found our closest Morphe stores. Turned out, they were Nottingham or Birmingham.
I checked the time; Nottingham was 25 mins away but it closed in five minutes and Birmingham was about an hour away but it was open until 20:00 (meaning a deadline of about an hour and 10 minutes. #Tight). Regardless of it being a tight deadline, there was a slither of a chance that I could make it as a last resort.
In a moment of inspiration, I grabbed my phone and rang Morphe in Birmingham – if they had some left, then surely I could just pay over the phone and collect it tomorrow? Feeling a new lease of optimism, we both started to smile again. A nice young lady answered the phone and confirmed – to my surprise – that they actually had loads left. I ask the question, can I reserve one? The answer she gave me on the phone was a solid and resounding no.
Hope slashed, I saw my girlfriend’s face fill with disappointment once again, it’s a crushing feeling and that’s when I decided - I’m driving there. Call me blindly in love, romantic, stupid or stubborn but, at that point, I was getting that palette even if I had to board a plane to the States. But that meant a stressful rush hour drive, with a near impossible timeline, in a car that I was yet to even like, let alone enjoy.
Saying our rushed goodbyes and diving into our cars, my immediate feeling was nothing short of dread; the main reason simply being that, even when I loved Tay Tay and forgave her shortcomings, long distance and city drives were always a complete nightmare, especially on dark and rainy nights like tonight. Regardless, I’ve always loved a spontaneous adventure, so off we went.
Google Maps reckoned the journey was just about doable at normal speeds … but Tay Tay doesn’t really like doing 70mph, so we were off to a great start. Long story short – the next hour was filled with rubbish drivers, a shaky 70mph steering wheel, too many 50mph average speed cameras and some rather grim rainy roads. But I didn’t care.
That’s simply because I was beginning to remember the reason that I loved Taylor Drift. I was starting to look past the impracticalities of Tay Tay and was subsequently remembering why I’d been so excited to be back behind the wheel of my little ‘drift’ car. It was nothing to do with any point that anyone had ever made about her, it wasn’t to do with anything that she could or couldn’t do … it was solely because of her personality. More on that later.
Bar the above awful drivers and rubbish wet roads, the worry-fueled drive (because, let’s face it, even if I did make it there was a 90% chance they’d be sold out) wasn’t all that eventful and eventually I made it to the Bullring’s Selfridges car park with 15 minutes to spare. Next came the bit I really don’t enjoy, the running.
Eventually, after misreading multiple Bullring maps (it’s been a long day), I found Morphe and managed to pick up the palette AND a couple of Mini Controversy mini palettes #win. In fact, the people at the tills quite enjoyed my little frantic (told whilst seriously out of breathe) tale … still didn’t give me discount though.
Now, don’t get me wrong, effectively all I’ve managed to do is drive 30 odd miles to buy some make-up and that’s honestly something that pretty much any car could do. To me, however, it’s more than that. You see, this little car - that totally isn’t up for the job and that everyone always tells me to sell, everyone always doubts and that everyone always hates on - had gone and done it. #missionsuccess
More than that though, she reminded me that cars aren’t just a chunk of nice looking, nice sounding, metal; they’re conduit to so much more and they all have their own personalities. Regardless of how good a car looks or how fast it is, at the end of the day it’s those personalities that we fall in love with and, ultimately, that's the reason we love cars.
I guess what I've learned (well, re-learned) us to never listen to anyone else. Never listen to comments about how rubbish your car is or how it looks wack (if that’s still a phrase) or how you should have something more practical or how it’s too old. If YOU love your car because of that unexplainable connection then screw what the world thinks.
Still have no idea what I’m talking about? Get out there and have a spontaneous adventure … get to know your car. Hopefully that’ll show you what I mean. If not, maybe you just don’t have the right car? Hopefully one day you’ll read this and you’ll feel it too. Anyway, I promised Taylor Drift a tank of Shell Super Unleaded if she made it there without exploding ... so I best go shopping. Ta rah.
(Epic shots by @the_carographer! Check him out on Insta)