How to be the most hated member of your local Polo Club
Automotive rules for the rich.
Picture the scene. It's Christmas Day, you've just got off the phone with Sheila and Gertrude from Number 6 and Number 7 down the road, both who've just been handed keys to their new Audi Q7s. To your disgust, your husband Terence only got you a diamond encrusted necklace and a luxury penthouse in the Bahamas. Tomorrow is the annual Boxing Day rendez-vous/4 course lunch at the Country Polo Club and as everyone knows it is the biggest and most important event of the whole wealthy individual year. The car currently sitting on the drive is a 2021 plate BMW X5 and you now realise that showing up in that for tomorrow's rendez-vous will make all the other snobs think Terence's off shore account funds fell through, oh how humiliating.
You must get your hands on something else to arrive in, fast. Usually at this point one would be in a dreadful tizzy, but with this simple guide you'll be on the road to being the biggest bee-atch in town in no-time. Do read on.
Rule #1: Read the event.
Is it formal wear? Black tie? Who are you kidding of course it is, this is the Polo Club what else could it be? Straight away we know that's Land Rover off the list, this isn't an equestrian event and you won't be showing up in those ridiculously high horse riding boots.
Save it for the races.
Formal but but somehow still flashy, not Audi flashy that's uncivil, scratch them off too.
Grow up that's a child's toy
Rule #2: Weather check
You fool you nearly didn't check the forecast. Light cloud huh? Put the Jeep away we aren't doing the Amazon you'll embarass yourself in that thing. Showers from last night will be gone but the ground still slightly wet, we can't be rocking up in a Mercedes in which case or you'll never get there.
It broke down doing this by the way
Rule #3: Read the event some more
What time is at? 1:30pm. Hm, okay no Rolls or Bentley, this isn't a dinner party. The brochure assures there will be 'tea and light refreshments'. So we won't be showing up in a BMW, that's for the coffee mornings of course.
Town runs, only.
Rule #4: How far out is the Polo Club exactly?
Is it a 15 minute drive or more? Okay it is, Jaguar and Volvo are out of the question, do you want to be passed by Geraldine and Deirdre while you're being picked up by the AA? Certainly not. Now we're getting somewhere.
And Rule #5: Is your final choice a Range Rover?
Very important step this, stay focussed you're nearly there, just imagine the look on Susie-Ann's face when you arrive. Now in case this step isn't very clear, the car you choose must be a Range Rover. It's just the way it is, no questions asked. So wave goodbye to your Land Cruiser or your Lexus whatever the hell it's called or literally anything else you had in mind for that matter.
And once all of this is done, you'll be ready to pick up the perfect car for tomorrow's event:
So there you go. Next time a fancy get together appears on the horizon, don't throw a fit and smash your crystal engrained glass on the floor. Just think Land Rover. You're welcome rich people.