How to be the most hated member of your local Polo Club

Automotive rules for the rich.

Picture the scene. It's Christmas Day, you've just got off the phone with Sheila and Gertrude from Number 6 and Number 7 down the road, both who've just been handed keys to their new Audi Q7s. To your disgust, your husband Terence only got you a diamond encrusted necklace and a luxury penthouse in the Bahamas. Tomorrow is the annual Boxing Day rendez-vous/4 course lunch at the Country Polo Club and as everyone knows it is the biggest and most important event of the whole wealthy individual year. The car currently sitting on the drive is a 2021 plate BMW X5 and you now realise that showing up in that for tomorrow's rendez-vous will make all the other snobs think Terence's off shore account funds fell through, oh how humiliating.

You must get your hands on something else to arrive in, fast. Usually at this point one would be in a dreadful tizzy, but with this simple guide you'll be on the road to being the biggest bee-atch in town in no-time. Do read on.

Rule #1: Read the event.

Is it formal wear? Black tie? Who are you kidding of course it is, this is the Polo Club what else could it be? Straight away we know that's Land Rover off the list, this isn't an equestrian event and you won't be showing up in those ridiculously high horse riding boots.

Save it for the races.

Save it for the races.

Formal but but somehow still flashy, not Audi flashy that's uncivil, scratch them off too.

Grow up that's a child's toy

Grow up that's a child's toy

Rule #2: Weather check

You fool you nearly didn't check the forecast. Light cloud huh? Put the Jeep away we aren't doing the Amazon you'll embarass yourself in that thing. Showers from last night will be gone but the ground still slightly wet, we can't be rocking up in a Mercedes in which case or you'll never get there.

It broke down doing this by the way

It broke down doing this by the way

Rule #3: Read the event some more

What time is at? 1:30pm. Hm, okay no Rolls or Bentley, this isn't a dinner party. The brochure assures there will be 'tea and light refreshments'. So we won't be showing up in a BMW, that's for the coffee mornings of course.

Town runs, only.

Town runs, only.

Rule #4: How far out is the Polo Club exactly?

Is it a 15 minute drive or more? Okay it is, Jaguar and Volvo are out of the question, do you want to be passed by Geraldine and Deirdre while you're being picked up by the AA? Certainly not. Now we're getting somewhere.

And Rule #5: Is your final choice a Range Rover?

Very important step this, stay focussed you're nearly there, just imagine the look on Susie-Ann's face when you arrive. Now in case this step isn't very clear, the car you choose must be a Range Rover. It's just the way it is, no questions asked. So wave goodbye to your Land Cruiser or your Lexus whatever the hell it's called or literally anything else you had in mind for that matter.

And once all of this is done, you'll be ready to pick up the perfect car for tomorrow's event:

Naturally

Naturally

So there you go. Next time a fancy get together appears on the horizon, don't throw a fit and smash your crystal engrained glass on the floor. Just think Land Rover. You're welcome rich people.

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Comments (91)

  • good one!

    I've always wondered what car I should take to the Polo Club, apparently an old rusty Focus isn't appreciated

      22 days ago
  • All poppy cock, I spent way too much time playing polo while at uni and the car parks are simply littered with filthy Fiat 500s and Minis, kerbed alloys and cracked bumpers are a must have. A key vehicle is a dilapidated Ford Ranger, bonus points if the tailgate doesnโ€™t shut or you can see into the cabin through a rust hole in the door skin. Richer patrons will turn up in an estate of some sort, usually a mid naughties VW Passat with a trillion miles on it and a lingering smell of wet dog. One bloke was dailying at series 3 Aston Martin Lagonda. But otherwise on any normal day the car park is just littered with normal cars.

    Unless thereโ€™s a match on, in which case people whoโ€™ve never played polo turn up in white range rovers and shoes with tassels on. People who play polo turn up in their grime coated Passat and have a picnic sat in the boot.

      22 days ago
  • That was brilliant. Great read. I remember, once ages ago, my mate from uni invited me to a polo event. It was 2 and a half hours from house, it was pouring down with rain, I had my Lancia Thema sat on the driveway, so I settle down for a long drive, until I arrived at the entrance to the polo club, which happened to be 10 minutes down a dirt track from where I was. I arrived there and was instantly looked down upon by all the people in the brand new (in 2005) Range Rovers all looking very smug. Most embarrassing day of my life that was.

      22 days ago
    • Wow thank you! Relatable content was not what I was going for here๐Ÿ˜‚, but just based of personal experiences, awesome if it turned out to be something that strikes a memory too๐Ÿคช

      Thanks for reading๐Ÿ˜„

        22 days ago
    • Lolll, why would you be embarrassed, they all drive the same car, probably all in black while you come up in a LANCIA!

      They're the one supposed to be embarrassed

      "Oh yes An-Maire, that was the moment he came up in a Lancia, I was soooo...

      Read more
        22 days ago
  • Enjoy some Ben Ham

      21 days ago
  • Make sure that range rover has every option that you can possibly have ๐Ÿ˜€

      21 days ago
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