How to clean your pride-and-joy like a lazy person: Muc-Off Waterless Wash
A cleaning product for the hoseless
I'll be honest – I can't remember the last time I actually washed a car. Usually press test cars come in and out of my life too quickly to really accumulate much brown goo. I'll occasionally visit a hand car wash if the vehicle in question's pretty enough and the filth deep enough to warrant it – the PoleStar 1 is about the only thing I can think of that's earned such an honour in 2021.
My motorbike, however, gets cleaned after almost every ride (as do most press bikes I film). After investing time and money into it, it makes sense to keep it looking as furiously peng as possible. Yet with two kids, a job, and a vague life outside of work, I don't have hours and hours to spare cleaning it.
I could almost see the Muc-Off team rubbing their hands together when I told them how lazy I am, and so they sent me some of their Waterless Wash to test, along with a microfibre cloth which which to apply it.
So far so pink. Is it actually good?
It's surprisingly brilliant. The Waterless Wash has a twisty nozzle which you can set to spray or stream the vivid pink juice onto your chosen vehicle. I tend to use the spray setting to get decent coverage. Then it's a case of letting it sit for a minute before wiping away using the microfibre cloth.
As a luddite, I thought all microfibre cloths were born equal, but this one has an extra deep pile like the shag you'd find on the floor of the queen's boudoir. It's super fluffy. That means I can easily clean every nook and cranny of my bike without the cloth getting soaked through or overloaded with road treacle.
I've used the Muc-Off Waterless Wash for most of my bike shoots – this BMW R1250 RT went back to BMW smelling better than ever
The beauty of this waterless wash is that it gives people like me – people who don't have access to a hosepipe – the chance to give their car/bike/pram a decent shine without messing about with buckets and sponges. I use it on every area of my bike save for the swingarm which accumulates super-sticky chain-lube spatter. Otherwise, this waterless wash does the whole bike, from bodywork to chassis bits, even my Hypermotard's sexy Marchesini forged wheels get the treatment.
It takes, ooh… about 4 minutes to give even a big bike a quick once-over with the waterless wash
So far I've not found anything that can't be eradicated – mud, tar spots and dead flies all simply wipe away if you let the pink liquid sit for a minute or two, and the resultant finish is pleasingly shiny and free from smears and streaks.
Hell, it even smells nice – a sort of bubblegum haze that's so pleasant you don't mind getting the odd bit on your hands.
It's hard to find fault with this stuff, really. For the five minutes it takes to use, you get a decent amount of cleaning, a shiny result and a good smell. Sure, it's not going to give any lasting protection like a wax or ceramic coating, but for a quick fix (or the terminally lazy), it's a god send.
Muc-Off Waterless Wash costs £11.99. You can grab some here.
I should point out this is very much a 'before' shot...