Christmas time is upon us. The streets come alive with decorative stars and the only thing that wraps itself around a lamppost are the festive lights. People decorate their houses with strange figures of a fat man in a red coat. Snow might be falling while people drink hot cocoa huddled under blankets. Or they meet up in a cold place to share a cup of Glühwein. The ovens are filled with cookies, and amazon is desperately looking for leftover ribbons.
Meanwhile, the average motorist is setting off to the market in an effort to acquire what is commonly known as a “Christmas tree.” This floral object is traditionally placed inside the living room, and then decorated with bobbles and LED candles.
At least, this is what we had in mind when Barb walked out of the shop with a small Christmas tree in her hands. Just that she stopped right in front of her car because now we were faced with a problem: transportation.
It couldn’t POSSIBLY be so hard to transport this baby of a tree. After all, I come from a family of country folks and we have transported Christmas trees, and even planted a few. Let’s ignore that nowadays they’re bigger than the house. Still, with my genius, this little bugger would be in its rightful place before it could even think about losing a single needle.
I started with a revolutionary idea: “Let’s just stuff it into the boot”
Sadly, it quickly transpired that the boot would not be big enough. Instead we would have to flatten the backseats. This still seemed doable. At least until Barb confessed that a loose Christmas tree in the boot does not mix with her driving style. The tree would fall over and tumble around the cabin. Eventually it would crush all passengers.
Maybe I am being a bit dramatic but since Barb had nothing to secure the wee bugger, it would fall over at some point. This would result in flattened needles. Not the merry tree one imagines around Christmas.
Instead, I suggested that we should cut the tree in half. Then we could lie each side flat into the car. Nothing would roll around, and no needles would be harmed – apart from the ones in the middle of the tree. At first, this idea seemed to solve all our problem, but ...
“... how do we put it back together at home?” she asked, as I dug out the saw from my purse.
I stopped for a moment. “Glue?” I suggested with a shrug of the shoulders.
Sadly, it turned out that glue had become a rarity in her household because of the many gifts that needed to be wrapped. Hence with a heavy heart I had to put the saw and saw back into my purse …
Defeated I leaned against the shopping cart that housed the Christmas tree. There had to be another solution to get it back. I turned towards it, and before I grasp what had happened it had poked me in the eye. Despite feeling that this was rather rude it gave Barb a brainwave.
When the tree was situated on a shopping cart it was just a little bit taller than me. Since I fit in her car when I sit down, the tree should do the same. This meant we could buckle the tree up, which was not only safe (because as the FIA and various automobile clubs taught us this year: buckle up) it also meant that the tree would not fall over. The needles would not be ruined and broken by harsh reality.
With all the elegance that Barb could muster she moved the tree into the backseat. After some squishing and constructive cursing the tree found a snug place.
After a calming journey that did not involve any eyes being poked out, trees falling over and any passengers being crushed in the car or exceeding the speed of 15kph, the tree had found a snug place in the flat.
Now it can shine bright, full of beauty with bobbles, glitter and LED lights!
This meant that the only task left was to defend the good tree from the evil felines that would knock it over given the chance.
In advance: A merry Christmas to all of you, and a happy new year as well.
Thank you to Barb for the images and letting me pretend that I went tree shopping with her. Meanwhile, I shall buy my tree in a market that wraps it into neat netting and places it on top of the car. 😊