I Broke Another Car...

As a car enthusiast its always heart breaking when your pride and joy ends up in the scrappers... but to me, that's become the norm...

I've always believed everyone has a hidden talent in which they excel, some people are musical wanders, others have an incredible hand for drawing. I even know a few people who can take a plank of wood and create something truly breath taking. Then there's me... I can't draw, I get a splinter by simply looking at wood and yeah, I play a musical instrument, but I can't say I excel at it. There is, however, one thing that I can do and I do it amazingly. I can break pretty much anything, instantly. Especially cars, I am yet to own a vehicle for longer than three months! I truly believe I could break a Hilux. Honestly. I do!

Where is this leading?

The average Brit will own nine cars during their lifetime. So between the age of 17 - 80 (ish) that's a new car ever 7 years. Here's the thing, I've been driving for 18 months now and I've already owned 9 cars. Now I don't claim responsibility for any of them breaking, despite what my peers tell me!

The First one (Peugeot 206)

It even had alloys!

It even had alloys!

They say your first will always be your most special. I can see how, just look at those curves! I'm not going to lie, it was a Peugeot, I mean it wasn't great, but it was a car and got me from A-B. I finally had a car, the open road and freedom! I was ready to get behind the wheel and venture on many road trips, it's just a shame the final destination was a four post sign three months later.

Life span: 24th December 2015 - 17th April 2016

Cause of death: Sign post pulled out in front of me

Number two: The first of the Z's

Nothing said "Boy Racer" Like a 1400CC Rover 25 on steroids

Nothing said "Boy Racer" Like a 1400CC Rover 25 on steroids

Does this make me patriotic or stupid? Actually, I don't care! My MG was possibly and still is my favourite car I have owned, granted it spent more time in a garage than it did on the road, but this is what made me fall in love with the K series! It was so easy to tinker with and even though I looked like a "chav" - I felt like i was in rally pedigree. And yes, I was constantly reminded it was a Rover 25, but when I was behind the wheel nothing could stop me. Except the fuel economy, the head gasket, oh, and third gear! Driving through town, I changed gears and heard the most hideous grinding... My friend told me "It's just some stones, change down a gear, you're fine". It stopped becoming stones when gearbox oil burnt on the exhaust and smoke filled the cabin.

It's just some stones - just drop down a gear, you're fine

Dan HD

Life span: 8th May 2016 - 19th September 2016

Cause of death: "Some stones" - Third gear blew a hole in the gearbox...

Third time lucky? (Peugeot 206)

No.

Life span: 24th September 2016 - 8th October 2016

Cause of death: Literally begged someone else to take it

number 4: The First Diesel (VW BORA 1.9TDI PD130)

My first compact executive saloon!

My first compact executive saloon!

Heated seats, diesel torque and cruise control... What more could i want? The Bora was quite possibly the most refined vehicle I have owned and I felt a sense of status driving it. I have no idea why, but I guess it's an improvement from a broken Peugeot. Me, being me, decided it needed more power and proceeded to get it mapped up to 185 BHP which, in hindsight, was f***ing dumb. Three days later, pulling away from the roundabout the familiar sound of "stones" returned.

Life span: October 8th 2016 - November 2nd 2016

Cause of death: The flywheel flew away...

Revenge of the 5th: The Rover 25 Turbo

84BHP brakes on a 200BHP Car ... Seems safe.

84BHP brakes on a 200BHP Car ... Seems safe.

My first true "project car" I started this one with a friend back when i still owned the Grey ZR (Around June time) and it was finally completed just after the Bora broke - What great timing! It was so much fun seeing the looks on people faces when they heard the turbo noises, but saw an "old man gold" Rover 25. I could have put higher quality parts onto this car, but I just didn't have the funding, having got though 5 cars prior (Including a Blue MG ZR, which i don't count as owning, since it was just a donor for the 1.8t engine). Unfortunately the gold Rover met its end when a screw fell in the timing belt.

Life span: 5th November 2016 - 2nd December 2016

Cause of death: Head gasket / timing problems / British build quality...

Number 6: The MONOGRAM (Sunspot MG ZR)

It's 1 of 37 left... it's rare, it was worth buying... I promise...

It's 1 of 37 left... it's rare, it was worth buying... I promise...

Another MG, I had all the left overs from the grey ZR and I was optimistic! I have a rare car, it's special. The excitement was real for all of 2 hours. It finally arrived back at my house 1am after being towed from Coventry... This car lasted 2 hours! Luckily we managed to repair it and it turned out to be a fantastic little ride. It never had the same feeling as the Grey MG, but I suppose we never got round to finishing the "sunspot"... It had a remap, exhaust, induction kit, lowering springs and a grippy set of tyres. It was one of the best handling cars I had, but it lacked character and eventually it lacked an engine too!

Life span: 10th December 2016 - 21st March 2017

Cause of death: Probably forgot to check the oil... No compression...

Numero 7: YUGO The Red Zed (MG ZR)

"It's in mint condition" - Then I owned it...

"It's in mint condition" - Then I owned it...

I dedicated much more time to this MG, I put a lot of effort into to keeping it clean and running well, I was fed up of getting through cars and this was going to be the last one (for a while). And for a while that was the case, I replaced some parts, cleaned and painted various engine bits and the car looked good! Then I had a crazy idea to drop another turbo engine in! We all know how well that went last time, perfectly... Well after 50 hours of hard work it was finally complete, the new 200 BHP MG ZR was ready to take it's maiden voyage; of 23 miles, it was a devastation almost as big as Titanic. The differential exploded and metal went everywhere, the engine twisted in the bay and the gear stick snapped out in my hand... So much for this being my last car

Life span: March 29th 2017 - 22nd April 2017

Cause of death: Everything... All at once...

Eighth: The Green Machine (ROVER 25 DIESEL)

Nicknamed the chainsmoker

Nicknamed the chainsmoker

It had a boost leak, enough said... I worry i may have contributed to climate change...

Life span: 13th May 2017 - 18th May 2017

Cause of death: "Smoking Kills"

The Final Frontier: The Budget Batmobile (Corsa 1.2)

It's comfortable... But just a bit boring

It's comfortable... But just a bit boring

Possibly one of the more practical cars I have owned. It was comfortable, and cheap to run / insure, but it was booooring and made a rather off putting tapping noise, which ended up being a rather sinister symptom, but i just ignored it "it's just a tappet". What else can i say about it, it had no central locking, pretty sure the battery shorts on the bonnet, but the speakers were quite nice!

Life span: 24th April 2017 - 18th May 2017

Cause of death: Timing belt stretched, Loss of cylinder 1.

So what's next?

I think I'm going to take a rest from driving for a few weeks, but I'm sure when i come back I'll have another car to break! - Probably looking at a Lexus or another MG. Maybe a saloon, who knows.

At least one good thing here: I have made MGs slightly more rare by breaking them, so just remember, I am contributing in raising the value of your Rover (sorry MG).

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