My Grandfather is a fantastic man. I look up to him in so many ways. But in the persuit of getting government contracts, he single handedly ruined all the motorways of Britian.
My Grandfather grew up in Bristol on effectively a council estate, with very little money. He shared shoes with his brother for goodness sake. He dropped out of school aged 15 to work to support his family, and always jokes how he had to do the paper round on a bike with no saddle or wheels or handlebars or frame. Like many successful people in this world, his humble beginings gave him the motivation to work hard and achieve greatness. And I guess you could call him great now, if you qualify greatness as putting yellow average speed cameras on every motorway in this great nation.
The very concept of average speed cameras was not infact concieved by my grandfather, he mearly improved upon them. I remember, once over Sunday dinner he mentioned as if it was nothing, 'oh I got caught speeding by my own cameras'. I was like 'what?' just more polite than that cause he is now very well to do and doesn't like slang. He went on to explain how his average speed cameras were better than everyone elses because you couldn't trick them by changing lanes. Wow. What an incredible invention. Something to make the life of the motorist even more hellish than it already was. I remember thinking, 'that pretty impressive, but why?'.
A few years later and I was called up by my Grandfather and asked to meet him at a service station of all places. It turned out his secretary needed help setting up her computer in a conference room they have there. I know right. A conference room in a service station. Anyway, being the good boy I am I set it up, then was roped into formatting the Ts & Cs for a company sale. The sale of the speed camera company. Finally, my family's hands would be clean of this pesky invention once and for all. Do you want to guess who was buying the company? Nope your wrong. It was Germans. The country of no speed limits. What on earth where they planning on doing with the most effective speed cameras in the world? Well, as it turns out, they just wanted to get more money from the government as these cameras are still on the roads of Britian to this day.
Thankyou for reading this pointless story and as a reward for reading this far you get to hear my apology on behalf of my Grandfather. So here it is:
Suck it. I have a fat trust fund now thanks to all you lovely people paying your speeding fines.
Just kidding, I drive a civic and a 350z I ain't rolling in it by any means.