I Hate The Vauxhall Corsa C
So, so, so much. My love... I mean hate letter to my least favourite car on earth.
For many, it's easy to criticise something, but, especially in this day and age, just having a bit of banter with someone, can cause them to go and have a paddy in the corner of the room with a blanket, a mug of hot chocolate with this playing in the background.
There's no wonder why though, as though were marching in to the digital future, our mental health decays into oblivion because people are spending too much time on social media which effects their mental health. But let's cut to the point. This article, is my hate message to my least favourite car on earth, the Vauxhall Corsa C. So, if you do decide to read on and you own or have owned one of these monstrosities, don't think I'm trying to rattle your nerves or that I'm taking a dig at yourself for owning one, because I'm not. At the end of the day, we're in the car community and I respect everyone's choice for what they drive, but that doesn't mean that I don't have to like it, just like how many, many people don't like my unhealthy obsession with MG and British Leyland... With that out of the way let's get on with it.
Let's start with the good points about the Corsa C . Overall, the Corsa C is one of the most sensible, reliable (maybe), good value, all round second hand car on the market today. Seriously, I know this is meant to be a rant, but you'll probably get fairly decent economy, tax that won't set the bank on fire but maybe insurance (for a 17 year old at least) that will. Although, when one of my parents suggested that they may buy me one for my first car, I made a point of making sure they didn't and that I would buy my own car, which I did.
It's not bad looking either and was keeping up with the Jones' quite well when it was launched. Just look in awe, at its vertical Fiat Punto style rear lights and body coloured bumpers. Now it's no Corsa B (which I actually don't mind) but, the Corsa C is more exciting than the model that replaced it, which was so bland, it makes listening to the speeches of Margaret Thatcher with Jeremy Corbyn sound as enjoyable as watching Avatar 3D for the first time.
Problem is, no matter how much I try to rave myself up about the Corsa C, I just cant stop from having the urge to push one off a cliff, or attach it to the business end of a trebuchet, or maybe run it over with a Cheifton Tank.
I really hate these cars.
WHAT'S THE PROBLEM THEN?
The main problem I have with the Corsa C is because of who it reminds me of. Almost 90% of these cars that I've seen have been driven by some yobbo, thinking he's Kimi Räikkönen doing 34 in a 20mph school zone. You can guarantee that they've spent all their money on tinting the rear windows cheaply, in a nice shade of black, which has faded brown. Then they have the audacity to put an end pipe wider than the bloody Euro-Tunnel on the back. Oh, and I almost forgot about the 'universal' air filter that's probably residing under the bonnet which adds 10bhp, mate.
That exhaust... Just why!?
What's worse is that, said yobbo will pull up to a set of lights, revving the top end out of the engine block, with their arm out the window and some sort of rap music crossed with raccoons having sex in a bin come out of the speakers that are worth more than the car itself, to then do an attempt at 'who's got the loudest exhaust?' or maybe it is a 'loudest fart competition', they both sound the same...
After all of this, they'll pull away thinking they're the coolest cat in town, even though their car light Aqua Blue, has key marks, parking dents and the remnants of pink butterfly stickers on it from when great aunt Ethel owned it.
Mood lighting, really?
You're allowed to like what you like, but because the Corsa C has carried on it's chavvy, hooligan image even more so than its predecessor, the Vauxhall Nova. And just like fashion of the 80's, the Nova has now become popular again. So, in 10-20 years we may be seeing 'retro' car meets in the few remaining 1970's council multi-storey car parks, full to the brim of overpriced Corsa C's that all the 40 year old's spent their family's holiday money on because "I should have never have sold mine when I had it".
MAYBE I'M BEING TOO HARSH?
I do understand why this may become the case though, as with the Nova, Corsa, Fiesta or even the Metro, they are many drivers first cars and first cars bring with them many memories. I myself, miss my Fiesta every day, also wishing that I'd never sold it. Like the Fiesta, the Corsa C, is a perfect car for many people. Hell, even Tiff Needell has one as a daily driver! The thing is, if I had one, it wouldn't have lasted more than a day, because I'd have beaten it within an inch of it's life, or crashed it into a tree, attached it to the business end of said trebuchet or set it on fire...