Man buys Ferrari; Doesn't ask for a 12yr old's opinion first
The internet fell in to chaos last night, as YouTube and forums alike shook to their knees with horror. One commentator said "You just can't pull this shit, how very dare he. I subscribe to his sodding channel, I tell him what to buy, not the other way around!"
It all started when William Smyth-Forster, renowned YouTube 'influencer' and former Durham University drop-out, broke all internet protocol and bought a Ferrari 812 Superfast without consulting his online fandom. "I don't know how it got out" said Smyth-Forster, "first thing you know, you are quietly agreeing to another finance deal, the next thing, my YouTube inbox is full of hate mail and little Jonny Preston from Royal Tunbridge Wells is threatening to burn my eyes out with his mother's Dyson hairdryer."
Brian Sourgood, Head of Marketing & Strategy for The Worshipful Academy of 'Tubers, regulatory body for social media influencers, released this statement: "The behaviour of some subscribers last night was simply unacceptable. Taking screenshots of YouTube stars and plastering photoshop graffiti such as "I hope your finance APR skyrockets" and "...a thousand tyre punctures on your house" is simply abhorrent. Our members work extremely hard to take videos of themselves in these perfectly suitable road cars, without which you would be extremely short on genuine, honest consumer advice. Shame on you".
Meanwhile London's premier turf for supercar spotting, Sloane Street, was shut down as riot police fired teargas at protesting 'Vloggers'. A scene of carnage and battery beset the pavements and coffee shop deckings as selfie sticks were used as kubatons and even one particularly enthusiastic narcissist strapped his iPhone-X to his head as a make-shift GoPro. "War is the mother of innovation" he quipped, before charging head first in to a nearby Waitrose shop window.
The ripple effect of Smyth-Forster's reckless actions were felt as far away as Mogadishu. "I was fucking mortified" said Abdi, aged 14. "I went out to the next town to find some food and collect some water at the cleaner end of the river, came back, and found out from my neighbour, who has a friend with an iPhone 3 and a cloned SIM card, that the cheeky toff twat bought a Ferrari without consulting his fans first. That shit makes me sick".
YouTube released the following statement: "YouTube does not encourage any form of anti-social behaviour of any kind. However we do ask that our influencers maintain a tight grip on their following. We do not want a repeat of the Great Subscriber Strike of 2016."