I love my parents. They are good, honest folk, and I respect them tremendously.
But sometimes they come out with such illogical nonsense that I cannot help but wonder how we are related.
Exhibit A:
“Well, if [insert deviant friend’s name here] jumped off a cliff, would you jump, too?”
Is there a more absurd question?
No, Mum. I wouldn’t jump. I’m my own person. I think for myself.
And yet, metaphorically speaking, some people DO jump when people they admire tell them to jump. Which is ridiculous.
For years, a select number of automotive journalists have been singing the Fiat Panda’s praises. And rather than stop to think for themselves, a large proportion of the car-loving community have been lapping up these journalists’ words and mindlessly echoing their exaltations. But here’s the thing. They’re wrong.
The Fiat Panda is rubbish.
It’s endearing.
There is nothing, literally nothing, about the Panda that inspires affection.
Just look at it!
I’m sorry, are we looking at the same car?
‘Hideous’ doesn’t begin to cover it.
That the Panda’s design received approval from Fiat’s board of directors is nothing short of a miracle. And also bloody concerning. I cannot possibly be the only one thinking this.
None of the elements match. You get the sense that every panel was designed by a different person.
Granted, it’s memorable, but so are elderly men in budgie smugglers.
It’s disturbing. And sad.
Sad? Why?
It's sad to think that the Panda is from the company that brought us the… erm…
What?
It has suddenly dawned on me that — 500 aside — Fiat hasn’t produced a single good-looking car in the last 40 years.
Madness.Who in their right mind looks at a Golf and decides to go for a Panda?
That’s not true.
Prove me wrong.
Fiat Coupe 20v Turbo. Check.
If I was feeling generous, I’d describe the Coupe as a poor man’s Aston Martin DB9 kit-car. But I’m not, so I won’t.
What I will say is that the Coupe has an underwhelming face attached to a catastrophic rear-end. A design nightmare, in other words.
Checkmate.
What about the latest 124 Spider? That’s alright… isn’t it?
Time to hand in your eyes, buddy. You obviously don’t know how to use them.
Whatever. How’s the Panda inside?
Worse.
Really?
No, but it’s close.
You often hear journalists flippantly wielding the classic “it looks like it was designed by an infant” cliche.
It actually applies here.
Spend more than 30 seconds in a Panda (gosh, that sounds disturbing to type) and you'll conclude that Fiat’s entire design department must be under six years of age. The interior contains no less than 25 ‘squircles’ scattered around, the tactile quality is on par with a Tupperware© container, and it reeks of try-hard.
You sound irked.
Do you know what really frustrates me about the Panda? I’ve spent days contemplating this article and I still have no idea who the Panda is for. It’s a car without a clear — or relevant — purpose.
Who in their right mind looks at a Golf/Focus/i30 and decides to go for a Panda?
Europeans. That’s who.
Yikes.It’s a plastic Portaloo with headlights and dollar-store rims. There’s nothing ‘soulful’ about it.
That’s a little racist…
No, it’s a fact.
The Panda lasted two years in Australia until Fiat realised Australians have taste and hence decided to pull the plug.
Over in Europe, however, the Panda is far from extinct. Fiat sold well over 100,000 of the critters in 2019 alone.
It must be doing something alright if more than 100,000 people backed it.
It’s because people mistakenly associate questionable design and bright colours with ‘character’.
Also, just because a vocal group of people think something is brilliant, does not make it so.
What makes your opinion any different?
Answer me this. Would you honestly spend your hard
I might…
No, you wouldn’t.
But a Panda has-
—Do not tell me the Panda has soul. It doesn’t. It’s a plastic Portaloo with headlights and dollar-store rims. There’s nothing ‘soulful’ about it.
We didn’t evolve this far to mindlessly accept the opinions of others as fact.
Think for yourself, you parrot.
What a hateful thing.
What do you think? Get shouting in the comments below!
Photography Credits: Manufacturer
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Comments (123)
You are all wrong mate. Just because little Fiats don't make sense in Australia, that doesn't mean they can't make sense in other parts of the world. In Brazil and Europe they are popular for a reason: cheap, small, reliable and they look fun. Not a macho-kind-of-fun, like an ute or a pickup, but more I'm-not-taking-myself-too-serious-kind-of-fun. BTW isn't that what you told us yourself in your '595 Competitione' article? So I really don't understand this rant over Fiat TBH...
And about a descent looking Fiat: the Fiat Barchetta was a good looking roadster in my opinion.
Fair call! You raise some good points. And you're right. I do love a car that doesn't take itself too seriously.
But. At the root of my rant is an utter abhorrence for things that are designed to be hideous for the sake of being different. And...
Read moreWhat even is Australia?🤣🤣🤣
Not defending Fiat here, but the 1988 Tipo 16v looks pretty good
I'm getting shrunken Volvo 850 vibes.
Doesn't look much like a Volvo to me.
Yeah,compared to a 488,or a Conti GT you may have a point...Never read such an amount of bullshits in a single page.Congrats,you're holding a record,now
I feel honoured to be awarded such accolade.
Spot on!
A "good car" is one the ticks the boxes of its intended purpose. You've reviewed this car purely based on stock photographs and haven't actually applied it to its designed goals.
What is it like to transport a family of four on holiday?
Does it get good fuel efficiency?
Does the engine respond smoothly without peaks and valleys in the torque?
Luggage capacity?
Ease of parking?
Standard equipment?
A car that isn't to your taste does not make professional motoring journalists wrong.
This guy could only embarrass himself more by claiming to be even an amateur motoring journalist with this article under his belt... He has written off the Panda's design as ugly for the sake of ugly, and completely missed that nearly every...
Read moreGranted, the Panda is a little leggy now, but that does not make it a bad car. The Panda is essentially still a good car.
Perhaps the misapprehension our Antipodean cousin has is that the Panda is not an alternative choice for Golf buyers. But it is an excellent alternative to the Polo, Fabia, Ibiza et al from the house of VW. The Panda is an excellent Euro city car for Euro cities. Fairly small, a decent boot for the size of car, decent headroom, peppy, high revving engines give a sense of old Mini fun. The styling is an entirely personal view, but styling does not a bad car make. For the Panda, what makes it a good car is that it is a simple idea, well executed. And as a response to the Europeans comment, maybe you have to be European to appreciate it's brilliant simplicity. Not everythig has to have 5.0L 450bhp V8 blah blah. The Panda, is excellent fun. That makes it a great car.
Accept it.
An excellent alternative to a Polo, Fabia, Ibiza? Are we looking at the same car?
You're right, it's got far more style value than the Polo/Fabia/Ibiza (Same bland car in a different dress). Though I'd say as the Panda is an A-segment car, it should be compared to other A-segment cars - and it outsells every one of them...
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