- The graaaand reveal of Casio's third model!

One hoooooot hatch.

My little low time has ruined my determination to write for Drivetribe over the last few days, but has been perfect for saving my non-existent brand.

Three days, three cars. Production of this.....thing....has sky-rocketed. My dedication to Casio has gone from being none to being all I care about. And I care about very little so this must be important. Anyway I've been back at work today sketching out random side profiles for this wonderful range, and the latest model is a proper 'hot hatch'. I'm gonna release some other more important angle views of the cars over the coming days, as I doubt my irrelevance in this world is going to change very soon. I can't run for a position as MP until I'm 21 so until then it's 5 (or 4 i guess soon) more years of you having to be disgusted by my sudden interest in designing crap cars.

Still at least I don't render like everyone else, physically copying and reposting cars that already exist.

So here is my lightweight, nimble, and I admit pretty controversially styled hot hatch!

The Tiiqa:

CUUUUTE little hatch.

CUUUUTE little hatch.

My disproportionate method of design has shown no signs of disappearing here, as the Tiiqa sports hatchback comes to you as a slightly bold car. Especially so considering my suicide door trend hasn't gone anywhere, and the possibly questionable body shape and wheels apply an even more unique car to the hatchback market. But nonetheless, here it is. No safe play with this style. My goal with Casio was always to be one of a kind, and for the benefit and wellbeing of wider society, that remains to be the case. You can't see the lights, grille, front or rear bumpers or pretty much anything that isn't visible from the side, so this post is pretty pointless really. Here's the more technical stuff, anything left out can be enquired about in my usually quite toxic comment sections. Gotta love the fans.

Overview:

The Tiiqa is no ordinary hatch, mostly because it exists only on paper but also because of it's genuine power drive that would tempt you to Casio over Porsche............... in an alternate dimension maybe. All trims provide you with the ability to live life in a real driver's car, with our fine tuned signature V4, which in itself makes the car one in a million. Oh wait there is one trim (the Day2Day trim) which replaces the V4 with an inline 4 instead. Even then that's no sloucher, with 198bhp and 0-60 in 7.7 seconds.

The mighty V4 however, comes with the Pencil and Elephant trims (which have those names because I didn't know what else to call them. Quirky eh?). The most powerful spec, the Elephant trim, offers a turbo engine with 320hp, does not many revs because I hate to keep reminding you, but big revs equal big pikey or just big loser. The engine has a wonderful melody of matched tone and pitch. The car's lightweight chassis helps make up for the luxurious and well equipped interior, bringing the total wait to 901kg. Is this weight ok Sam or am I still an idiot lmao. 0-60 takes 4.6 seconds and the top-est of top speeds is 159mph! Our low centre of gravity helps stability and ultra responsive throttle and steering mechanisms make for a true dream ride, leaving drivers feel sporty in their refined little hot hatch.

If you want one you will pay a decent €34,500 from base price, and yes it's expensive but you know what they don't say: "Expensive cars have high prices because they are both very well worth it and the more expensive, the less poor people driving them". Safety is 5 star as usual, but actually speaking of things people didn't say I think we should take a look at our resident drivetribers' views, which are quoted word for word by the way. Oh god I really hope they like it. I hope their honesty and trustability pays off on the Tiiqa's unveiling.

Word on the Street: Brodey Johnson:

"I hate it, how I can't have one of these!"

Elliot Marshall:

"The asymmetrical design is the best part, is what someone would say if they were blind. There is not one wrong thing out of place on this wonderful and revolutionary hot hatchback."

Ferdi Kamphuis:

"It looks good both as a mini MPV and a hot hatch!"

Simon McCoy out of BBC This Afternoon show:

"My god, I want one as a company car from my biased news network that is so left wing it's practically run by Jeremy Corbyn!"

Oh wow, such amazing feeback. Well there you have it, this hot hatch is well on its way to global success. It's a shame it'll only be sold in Europe. Tell me what you think, and ask away!

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