It's 2am on a cold, rainy English morning and I'm fast asleep. Nightmares of Lewis Hamilton winning the Driver's World Title before we even reach Brazil and Maldonado rejoining Williams, when suddenly my phone on full volume blares into life. *Private number* the phone screen rings. Of course, I was excited. I knew a Toro Rosso seat was being disputed and there was a 1/1,000,000,000 chance that I could be chosen to race. I answer with huge anticipation when a calm, well spoken English accent says "Sam? It's Llama time." The phone immediately goes dead in my hand, I'm left alone in the dark to puzzle the strange event when suddenly a raw of noise appears at my window and a huge beam of light shines into my room, illuminating how Felipe Massa must have felt after Hamilton took the title on the final corner of his home grand prix from him. (Utter fear and bewilderment). It was a chopper, dark silhouettes rushed into where I slept and quickly rushed me outside onto the helicopter. "What on Earth is going on?" I shout to one of the figures. He turns to me and simply says "Palmer Llama".
I'm told to try and get some rest on the flight to wherever it is we are going. I put my head down and get some shut eye, dreams all in yellow of engine failures plague my sleep, this I cannot explain. I wake to the heat of the sun hitting my face as we drop back down to land. I look out the window and see we are on a small island with fencing surrounding every inch of land; like a scene of Jurassic Park. As we step off I am ushered over to a small area away from the helicopter when there, in front of me I finally see why we are here. With a strange look upon his face, broken by the past bad luck is Jolyon Palmer sitting atop a brown Llama (pictured above). "Hello Sam, welcome to my 'mad world', we have much to discuss."
As I walk beside him, whilst he slowly trots his Llama next to me I look up and ask him "Jolyon, why llamas?" He smiles to himself and says in his calm monotonous voice "well, they're more reliable than a Renault." Smirking almost as if he has won a quiet victory, more than he had ever won in Formula 1 that's for sure.
The number 27 is painted onto the chest of the llama he rides proudly. "27 Jolyon? Why the number 27?" I think to myself that it had some deep cryptic meaning behind it maybe. "It represents of one true friend from my time in Formula One, Nico. So in tribute I named my favourite llama after him, in his honour. Nico Llamenberg." Almost stunned into silence at what a strange day this was becoming I was stopped in my tracks, (like the many tracks Palmer has stopped on in his past) all the speakers across the island lit up to a very familiar sound - Gary Jules, Mad World had started playing a full volume. All the llamas of the land galloped off in the same direction out of site, Jolyon turned to me looking me dead in the eye and said "You have to be alert on a street circuit" before running through the tall grass out of sight. (Not without hitting a tree first) I was then thrown back onto the chopper as quickly as I had been placed onto it, I knew Jolyon wanted me to right about this for him. I at Late Braking had been given a once in a life time insight into a real legends life. As we took off, I noticed a huge statue I hadn't been able to see before when we landed. I can't describe it to you now but if you look below, you'll see the image in which it was created, entirely out of yellow gold and llama hair.
Thank you for reading about my strange and mysterious adventure into the mind and life of Jolyon Palmer after Formula One. Some say he has gone completely mad, others think he is just finally realising his true dream and purposefully threw away his motorsport career. All we know is, PALMER RIDES A LLAMA! Just remember, keep braking late!