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"Put Your Finger in It" My Brain Said

With this title one might instantly say "That's what she said." But this is no Steve Carrell joke.

The Office US

This story happens to involve quite an embarrassing (at the time, now I laugh) indecent. Because of this incident, I don't embarrass easily anymore. When I tell people this story, they often don't believe it cause you had to be really stupid to do this. Believe me, I have been stupid many times. I once said to a classmate in high school that I didn't exactly care to be around "All have the right to stupidity, but you abuse the privilege." To which he replied "Takes one to know one." And oh boy, was he right.

I was 16 and had just gotten my license. I was extremely proud of myself. For several months I drove around quite proud of myself, till I reached a quite humbling experience. I had to stop for gas, which is a common issue with cars. I pulled into a gas station to fill up my car. I prepaid for the gas and filled it up. Then I reached under the driver seat for some fuel treatment and put that in the tank. However, the little foil seal that was on the bottle came off (as I had poked a hole in it to easily control the flow) and fell into pipe that leads to the gas tank. It was still visible from where I was and knew I could reach it if I stuck my finger into it. Not wanting the seal floating around in my gas tank, I did the stupidest thing I have ever done. I stuck my finger in the pipe. I grabbed the foil seal with my finger, and went to retract it from the pipe. My finger stuck.....

So there I was, standing in the gas station, with my finger stuck in the pipe. I was thoroughly angry. I tried and pulled whoever which way, tried to move my finger around and it was still stuck. Now my finger was big enough to get in the hole (that's what she said, yes, I know) but there was a little flap that acted almost like a trapdoor on the entrance to the pipe (that's what she said, I can't stop doing it). Now it was the flap that snagged my finger. It had gotten caught in the pit of my finger where it bends and the position my knuckle was in just had it caught so I could not retract it from the pipe.

To make matter worse, my cellphone was in the car, so I had to get the attention of some poor guy, explain to him the situation without sounding like a complete idiot (although by that point I already was), and ask him to get my phone from inside the car. By this point, a few people have started to gather by me and observe my stupidity.

By this point, a few people have started to gather by me and observe my stupidity

First person I call, my Dad. Home is 3 minutes away. I call Dad, explain my lunacy, listen to him burst out laughing, tell him to get here ASAP and bring a flat head screwdriver. Five minutes later Dad rolls into the gas station and brings someone else with him. This individual typically blows every "disaster" out of proportion when it comes to me and freaks out more than a cat that has just heard a 12 gauge go off. Who is it you ask: Mom.....Mom is now freaking out and my Dad and I are both trying to calm her down whilst the observers proceed to laugh.

The screwdriver was to big. I could push the flap back buck it was too big for me to retract my finger. So, my freaked out Mom called in more reinforcements, although that was totally unnecessary. So my sister and brother-in-law shows up. They were just as much help as a panicked gopher in a tornado. My sister had no idea what to do, and my brother in law (who works in construction), he only made fun of me which was about as productive as a teenage girl sitting on her phone. Then he suggested that we should just cut the pipe out. At this point I didn't give a rat's ass what we did as long as I kept my finger. However, my father, not wanting to replace the pipe even though his own child has his finger stuck in it, shot this idea down faster than a redneck gets up when he hears there's free beer. At this point we were all at a loss. By this point I had had my finger stuck in this pipe for about 2 hours......and we had gotten nowhere. My finger was also beginning to swell up because of the lack of blood flow to it, which made it hurt more and would also make it harder to get out.

During these two hours, we had a bunch of folks come by and look at my predicament. Most had just laughed and said "Good Luck, kid." Gee thanks, cause that's really helpful right now....But a young couple who were heading to the beach stopped by to take a look. Both didn't want to leave me stranded the way I was. The hick went to his toolbox in his truck and grabbed the longest, thinnest screwdriver he had. It still didn't work. He grabbed his phone and called his buddy. His buddy showed up with a screwdriver that I swear was almost a foot long and 2 cm thin. It was just enough to push the flap back and me to pull my finger out.

My finger had swelled up to the size of a cucumber and was throbbing, but thanks to a few good ol' rednecks, the Fire Department did not have to be called. So, the moral of this story is don't make fun of rednecks, odds are they'll end up helping you when your in a bind, and there was one other thing that I can't seem to remember-oh that's right-keep your phone in your pocket, cause you never know when you need to make an emergency call. I think that was it...ya'll crank it up, I'm gone.

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