Quiz: What sort of biker are you?
How much hair do you have?
- Thinning
- You make ZZ top look like slapheads
- No one knows, you're always wearing a baseball cap
- A soft mop of youthful locks
- None, and you've tattooed your entire face, you terrifying mofo
- A pristinely manicured orgy of pomaded pomp and uniqueness
- You're smoother than a waxed snake dipped in butter
Your bike is slightly dirty. What do you do?
- Flounce for an hour like a drama queen, before setting aside a day alone with various chemicals and your 'special rag'
- Nothing: you'll probably crash again tomorrow and need to replace the fairings
- Your bike is 90% mud anyway. Washing it will only attract thieves
- Cry a little because no one at the biker cafe will think you're mates with Rossi's squeegee man
- Break out the pressure washer and blast away the fortnight's worth of cow poo. Again.
- Pay a man to come to Hackney and wipe your spokes clean
- Prepare your fingers for all the impossible nooks and crannies they're going to have to probe
What's your favourite thing to wear on a bike?
- A bandana
- A fluorescent one-piece suit
- Leather jacket and kevlar jeans
- Manufacturer-branded Dakar-ready GoreTex suit
- Your school uniform
- Assless chaps
- Trendy jeans and a flannel shirt
Which is your favourite number of cubic centimetres in a bike engine?
- 50
- 125
- 1800, but all of them lazy
- 765
- 1000
- 600
- 1200
- 800, but all of them air cooled
Who's your ideal riding buddy?
- Mahatma "No overtaking on solid lines" Gandhi
- Adolf "Kneedown" Hitler
- Donald "Freedom" Trump
- Barack "Wheelie king" Obama
- Barney the purple dinosaur
- Bear "I'm sorry was that your livestock" Grylls
- Your geography teacher
- John McGuinness
What's your favourite aspect of biking?
- Going really fast
- Polishing them
- Talking to groups of men in car parks about them
- Looking at your reflection in shop windows on them
- Buggering off across the country on them
- Attracting members of the opposite sex on them
- Just making the worst noise possible
Which decade produced the best bikes?
- 1960s
- 1970s
- 1980s
- 1990s
- 2000s
- 2010s
- Pre-war stuff, tally-ho etc.
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Comments (237)
I'm glad that you accommodated my need for assless chaps whilst biking
Just while biking?
... have you been watching me outside of work?
You're naked and naughty
Happy with that love naked bikes
You're naked and naughty
You're naked and naughty