- The Nissan bloody Juke

Seemingly unpopular carpinion: Most SUVs really are crap

Recently people have been supporting SUVs in their droves so I decided it was time to shut them down

Do you remember that time when you had to deal with a leaf on the road because it was Autumn? You probably thought an SUV was needed for it but you are wrong. Here I shall outline the reasons as to why all these 'I love SUVs' posts are utter garbage.

If you need grip then 4WD isn't limited to SUVs

Look at that Audi A6 Allroad. Lower, sleeker, more purposeful looks and with no less practicality than a Q5. It also contains this thing called four wheel drive. Audi has been at the forefront of this for a long time so it may be no surprise to learn that it will grip to extraordinary levels and it is perfectly usable on your daily commute with no sacrifice.

Who knows about the Audi Quattro itself? I imagine you do. Does it have a jacked-up ride height or a lumpy body that is top-heavy? No because grip is achieved through proper engineering and grip on the tires-not by suspension height.

They are cheaper to buy and run

Here SUVs really fall apart. With their top-heavy bodies that put a big hole in the air behind it and with hundred of KGs to haul about they won't be very economical. With an estate car that is not true because they are lower and generally lighter so can cut through the air better and there is less to lug around. The Audi Q5 starts at £44,395 whereas the just as practical and lighter A4 Avant starts at £32,150. Sure the Q5 has 60 litres more in the boot at 540 litres vs 480 but the issue here is it is vertical whereas the A4 has a more practical and dog-friendly longitudinal boot floor. Also that space is not worth over £12,000 and seriously convince me the Q5 looks better.

Sure the SUVs are more likely to seat 7 but the world is becoming overpopulated so the best course of action at that point is contraceptive.

They look cooler

This is cool

This is cool

Attempt to convince me that the Alpina B3 touring is not cool. It has the tasteful vintage wheels, an aggressive bodykit yet the dog can still get in the back and the kids can go to school in it. This sort of difference to the normal car is very good looking here.

But not so much here. Look at it! Its all out of proportion, the wheels don't suit the massive wheelarches or fill them and it overall looks like a pimpmobile. If that is what you want then get a Cadillac Escalade and smoke some weed while you are at it. The same treatment to an SUV with the same design philosophy ends in disaster.

They are better to drive

For a start the car is lighter and that means that the car is better at turn-in and speed on the straights. Then there is the centre of gravity. It is much lower in the estate car than the SUV which means that it won't roll over on every corner. SUV dynamics have come a long way but put those additions on an estate and your jaw will probably drop.

Kanye West doesn't have an estate

Look at that thing! It is horrendous and it being an SUV plays a big part on why it is tasteless. The front end is too high for a Lambo front end while the rear is all just plain wrong. Has Kanye done this to an estate car? No and for that reason alone they are automatically better.

Whereas Princess Anne did

She had a Reliant Scimitar you know.

Posh SUVs make you look like a footballer

The only real SUVs are boxy because that is what you use off-road where they belong. Problem is that nobody goes there. All of them belong in Chelsea these days and for no good reason. The few good ones like the Bronco, Wrangler and G-Wagen never see what they are made for so why buy them? Because idiots like those who use these stupid crossovers look at them as a status symbol.

The only good thing about the crossover is that sports car companies make a much-needed profit from them but if they were replaced with saloons and estates of some sort then they would be much better from behind the wheel while the sports cars keep on coming.

Hopefully you agree. Thanks for reading.

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Comments (66)

  • I agree! Wagons are the best. Unless you need seven seats, i.e. you have a family of five, then a wagon is the better option.

      19 days ago
  • Totally agree. For once someone has spoken sense.

      19 days ago
  • I’d have this over a Bentayga but it isn’t a thing.... yet

      19 days ago
  • Princess Anne and Scimitar 🤣🤣🤣😝😝 wasn't expecting that... Great stuff inserting that in.

      19 days ago
  • I most certainly agree with you. I love wagons!

      19 days ago