I am sure that all of you have seen the Mercedes 6X6 somewhere in your life. Even of you haven't seen a picture, I sure as hell hope you've at least heard of it.
Meet (again) the Mercedes Benz G63 AMG 6X6. Or in other words, meet the German attempt at making a porta-potty.
Based on first impressions, we can clear up that it is a bit large. We can also infer that it has six wheels and is brown. But although you may think I'm as krazee as your single Aunt Kathy, there is more to this monster than meets the eye.
In order to be Mercedes' best attempt at being the coolest and most capable off-roader they have ever built, the 6X6 is not all that basic. There is more technology in this thing than that of a nuclear missile strike. That is, if it's capable to stop one.
In order to get you over any terrain, being rocks, sand, or people, the suspension in this thing is capable of effortlessly gliding over it like a hovercraft. And even though you have all this tech to support you in case you have never driven before, things might still be looking down for you.
Although you have all of this 2015 off-roading tech, we here all know that your pants are gunners once you sit in the drivers seat. Once that brown liquid starts dribbling down your leg hair, you know there's no going back.
Anyway, sorry for the rather disturbing images I placed in your head above, it will only happen a few more times.
Even though this behemoth is as smart as Watson and as scary as that kid you just served candy two, there is even more goodies on the inside that makes this thing share more in common with a cow than an actual cow.
As you can see, that diahhrea of the previous owner appears to have traveled up his back, as these seats did in fact used to be black. It also squirted into the dash, steering wheel, and door panels.
But in all seriousness, this isn't just any get muddy and go home off-roader. As a matter of fact, looking at this interior, it almost seems wrong to call it that. It's more of a "Finding the Shortcut" mobile.
However, it's once you get to the back where things really start not making sense.
If you want my honest opinion, there is no reason as to why I shouldn't call this an S-Class. The back of this monster is more luxurious than my rights. And I have never found myself complaining about those.
Who would ever need a TV in the back of this thing? I mean, I know for a fact that my head would be out the window at all times screaming war commands as I crash through the dunes in my 6X6. And heated power seats? Even enough room to butcher a fully-grown pig? This to me seems a bit exessive.
But then again, it has six wheels so... it's still pretty awesome.
I don't really care about any of these things though because no matter how liberal you are, you know that this is a ca... something... of your dreams. Overhead switches. An open rear cargo area. Six wheels, and even the same mirrors off of a C-Class. To some, this is a monstrosity and a terrorist to all things orthodox. But to us, it is one of the best creations ever made.
Oh, and did I forget to mention it's for sale?
Ah yes, one of two Mercedes 6X6 Porta-Johns is going to be heading to auction in Abu Dhabi, which is where the rich people live. So maybe your dreams will come true, and never forget to sell the children and divorce the wife, because this might be a bit more manageable. Unless you live in Italy, that is. Or anywhere European.