- T​he Stig

S​ome of the best 'The Stig' introductions by Jeremy Clarkson

T​hese are, in my opinion some of the best 'The Stig' introductions.

1y ago
26.2K

T​he Stig has played quite a significant part in Clarkson-Hammond-James Era of Topgear without actually speaking. His laps were fascinating but an important part of his character were the introductions. I have listed a few of my favorite ones below. Fell free to add more in the comments.

“Some say he never blinks, and that he roams around the woods at night foraging for wolves. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say he’s wanted by the CIA and that he sleeps upside down like a Bat. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he lives in a tree, and that his sweat can be used to clean precious metals. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that his voice can only be heard by cats, and that he has two sets of knees. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world, if you turn your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he has no understanding of clouds, and that his ear wax tastes like Turkish Delight. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that his tears are adhesive, and that if he caught fire he’d burn for 1000 days. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that his heart is in upside down, and that his teeth glow in the dark. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that his ears aren’t exactly where you’d expect them to be, and that once, preposterously, he had an affair with John Prescott. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

Some say that his genitals are on upside down, and that if he could be bothered he could crack the da vinci code in 43 seconds. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that the outline of his left nipple is exactly the same shape as the Nurburgring, and if you give him a really important job to do, he’ll skive off and play croquet. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that when he slows down, brake lights come on in his buttocks. And that if he’d been the manager of the England football squad last week he wouldn’t have been a feckless ginger gum chewing buffoon and ruined it for all of us. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that after making love he bites the head off his partner, and that he’s had to give up binge drinking now that it’s got to £1.18 a litre. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say his droppings have been found as far north as York, and that he has a full size tattoo of his face, on his face. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say it’s impossible for him to wear socks, and he can open a beer bottle with his testes. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that he sleeps inside out, and that he once had full sex with Russell Brandt’s answering machine. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that one of his legs gets longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that I haven’t done one of these for some time and I’ve forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

''Some say that the drinks cabinet in his car contains 14 different types of custard, and while he has been known to leave his house in a bit of a hurry, he’s never once hit a fire hydrant''

“Some say that he has to take his shoes off with an allen key, and that his new year’s resolution is to eat fewer mice. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say he once tore a goat in half, and that he is now regretting buying his new holiday home in downtown Cairo. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say he has 50,000 photographs of his own camera, and that 60 years ago this week, he too became a Queen. All we know is he’s called the Stig.”

“Some say that we have at least thought of a new way of introducing him, but we haven’t. He’s the Stig!”

“Some say that he once put Helen Mirren in a dishwasher, and that at the Winter Olympics he was disqualified from the skeleton event for riding down the hill on an actual skeleton''.

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Comments (6)

  • 😂😂 brilliant

      1 year ago
  • Hahahaha

      1 year ago
  • “Some say that one of his legs gets longer when he sees a pretty lady, and that I haven’t done one of these for some time and I’ve forgotten to make up a second thing. All we know is he’s called the Stig.” <- That one was Hammond's: youtu.be/bakfmgH7S4k?t=510

    “Some say his skin has the texture of a dolphin’s, and that wherever you are in the world, if you turn your radio to 88.4 you can actually hear his thoughts. All we know is he’s called the Stig.” <- That one is also Hammond: youtu.be/bakfmgH7S4k?t=74

      1 year ago
  • Some say, that he knows two facts about ducks, and both of them are wrong. And that 61 years ago, he accidentally introduced her madjesty, the queen, to a Greek racialist. All we know is I'm going to the tower now to have my head cut off, and he is called The Stig.

      1 year ago
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