- Credit: Electrek

Tesla wants to shoot lasers in your eyes with their new windscreen wiper patent

Because going blind is a legitimate reason to use their "Autopilot"

When enough is enough? For Elon Musk and his Tesla team, apparently that's never. Amidst their controversial and death-causing Autopilot, and following multiple investigations, another crazy, ill-thought idea has surfaced, thanks to an approved patent. Because the current windscreen wiper design is the biggest flaw in any car (sarcastic), they decided to shoot lasers into the windscreen and solve humanity's problems.

Elon Musk - colourised πŸ˜‚

Elon Musk - colourised πŸ˜‚

What Tesla wrote on their patent application would leave you speechless:

β€œA cleaning system for a vehicle includes a beam optics assembly that emits a laser beam to irradiate a region on a glass article of the vehicle, debris detection circuitry that detects debris accumulated over the region, and control circuitry. The control circuitry calibrates a set of parameters associated with the laser beam emitted from the beam optics assembly based on detection of the debris accumulated over the region on the glass article, controls an exposure level of the laser beam on the debris accumulated based on calibration of the set of parameters associated with the laser beam, wherein the exposure level is controlled based on pulsing the laser beam at a calibrated rate that limits penetration of the laser beam to a depth that is less than a thickness of the glass article, and removes the debris accumulated over the region on the glass article using the laser beam.”

Oh, goodie! More electronics from Tesla to control irradiating your eyes! We all know how good those have worked with the Autopilot so far...

And the patent drawings look convincing enough to make you cringe at the thought. No mention for what kind of laser or what power will be emitted, but judging by the application, it's not gonna be anything harmless like an infrared beam, since words like "irradiation" and "exposure" have been mentioned.

Credit: Electrek

Credit: Electrek

The patent is called β€œPulsed laser cleaning of debris accumulated on glass articles in vehicles and photovoltaic assemblies” and may actually be related to the Cybertruck, since the prototype didn't have any windscreen wipers. A more realistic electromagnetic wipers have been under development for some time now and I hope Tesla have made some progress there. Because shooting lasers at the windscreen is beyond outlandish and going too far, no matter how innovative it looks at first glance.

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