The Case Against Front-Wheel Drive

Go America.

Nick W posted in Broke Swag
2y ago
667

I learned to drive on a '91 Civic DX 5-speed. At the ripe age of 15, I thought that puppy was the bee's knees. I'd drive my mom to the store, and instead of sitting in the lot and waiting for her, like a good boy, I'd wait for the store's doors to shut behind her and rip on out of the parking lot.

This was around the time that Tokyo Drift came out, so naturally drifting the shit out of the Civic seemed like a reasonable thing to try. One day, while my mother was doing a little shopping, I found an empty parking lot and attempted to put my skills to the test. I'd turn the steering wheel and step on the gas, but time-and-time again the car would do little more than just turn. "WTF!" I thought--this was a serious problem. Being fairly resourceful for my age, however, I decided to see if things would work better in opposite land. I jammed the shifter into reverse, mashed the skinny pedal, picked up speed, then turned the wheel hard. BAM front-wheel drive, rear-driving drift complete.

I felt quite accomplished in the moment, but there was one problem. Who wants to drive in reverse just to get sideways? Not only did it seem incredibly hard and potentially unsafe, but chiefly, it just didn't look cool. I had to show off to my friends, and it'd become clear to me that it just wasn't going to work in the Civic. After explaining the burnt rubber smell to my mom, I got on the computer and tried to figure out my next move.

That day broke my brain. I pretended to be sick for a whole week just so that I could plant my ass in the chair and read about cars online. Slip angles, weight transfer, counter steer, the Scandinavian Flick, by the end of the week my eyeballs had fallen out of my face.

Like a dinosaur in heat

Before my 16th birthday, my amazing mother offered to give me the Civic. Though I only had $300 dollars to my name, I politely declined her offer. "Thanks but no thanks mom. I'm not about that understeer life." I had evolved. Despite the fact that $300 wasn't enough enough for a good lawn mower, much less a car, I didn't give up. I kept getting "sick" and cruised the classifieds until I finally zeroed in on a target.

Nobody is having fun here

Nobody is having fun here

Not only was the old Chevy rear-wheel drive, but it also had power. 4.3 liters of power to be exact. The '91 S-10 hit the mark in all ways imaginable, and best of all it was close to my price range. I walked to the guy's house determined to drive that racetruck home. It did have some minorly major rust, and broken springs, and some other issues we won't mention here. When I twisted the key however, and that almost small-block Chevy rumbled to life, I knew I'd struck gold.

My first order of business was to retry the same procedure previously attempted in the Civic. This time though there was a different issue. I'd turn the wheel and mash the gas. It would make a lot of noise, I could look out of the window and see the rear wheel was spinning, but I wasn't drifting. The key word there of course is "wheel". Open diff life sucks. No matter, I said. I just needed gravel like those rally guys drift on.

I found a nice spot in, well you know what, I can't remember now exactly where it was. Anyway, it was freshly-graded gravel. I sped into a right-hand corner, my ham fists gripping the AutoZone steering-wheel cover tightly, with pure anticipation. I flicked that bad boy with all my might, just like Tsuchiya. The nightmare that ensued after that, however, would have drawn nothing but pure disgust from The King. I think it's affectionately known a tank slapper.

The truck shot violently from side to side. I desperately tried to figure out which direction to turn the wheel, but it was an impossible task. All I could do was stand on the brakes. Eventually the old truck came to a stop at the edge of a drainage ditch. I sat there in pure astonishment as the voices got louder in my head. "This is what I want to be when I grow up. I need to do it again but better. This drifting thing is a drug. I want to stare death in the face every day!"

And that's how it happened. All those years ago, it was made clear as day to me by the man upstairs. Front-wheel drive is junk--it's as simple as that. I mean, how many times did the rusty Honda try and kill me? Oh yea, none. Suck on that front-wheel drive, suck on that.

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