The Getaway Cars Of The People

2y ago


Everyone has "what if" conversations: What if I ate fewer cookies? What if I had a degree? What if I hadn't married? What if I hadn't eaten a nail? The usual stuff. Once upon a time Jess sat on the sofa and wistfully mumbled "What if we had our own rebel group?" One inspired by the A-Team; doing good and fighting injustice while being hunted by the military police on occasion. "Yeah, why not?" A moment later I had been put in charge of finding the perfect getaway car for us.

Naturally, the first idea that comes to mind is something big. A steady wheely automobily that can go anywhere in the world, and disarm a bomb while doing so. Maybe a Mercedes G-class; people travel the world in it, and it looks bullet proof. What if a chunky Hummer has more flair? We could paint it black and write "bullet-proof" with yellow letters on it. Actually one can do better than that: the Maraudar. Not only is it armored but also mine-protected and is used by real military as well.

Then a thought dawned on me ... All those vehicles are rather big, very rarely big and fast go hand-in-hand. So you're not only visible all the time, but also slooooow. Even if you were fast, according to the statics of BS and my vast experience from playing Need For Speed you can rarely escape with the sheer power of horses alone. In the game you need a hide-out. These are rare in the real world (or so we are lead to believe.) This means you are going to need a car that helps you blend in, so you can hide in the crowd while you watch the police shoot past. The solution to this is shockingly easy: a VW Golf. It is all the car the world needs. If you get it in black or silver nobody will bat an eyelid. Add a GTi badge just in case the police notice that the driver is wearing a ski-mask. Then you can still make a run for it, and run well.

VW : Aiding your criminal activities since 1937

Why stop trying to blend in with the people? Why shouldn't you use a car that says "police" on it? Nobody would expect THAT. They'd chase a ghost without knowing that the virus is hiding within, just waiting for the perfect moment to cause chaos ...

However, there is a big problem: Eventually you are going to get caught, imprisoned and will keep the soap close to your body. When that time comes you do NOT want to get caught in what the police is using: a VW Touran, or an Opel Zafira. When you go down, you want to go down in style.

There is only one way to go down in true baddie style: Skoda? Nah. Audi? Depends. But I favour Jaguar! Depending on the crime you plan on committing Jaguar has your back: fraud and mafia business? Old Jag. Bank robbery? New Jag.

Jaguar: Aiding your criminal activities since 1922 | Source: flickr/hightechdad [edited]

After proposing this very sensible conclusion, Jess decided that she had found something better: a Star Trek: The Next Generation themed van. This is neither fast, pretty, nor cool, and my eyes may have rolled a lot.

Then we decided to do something we both deemed sensible and parted ways.

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Comments (6)
  • I always thought that the Chrysler 300 was a perfect car for it if you were on a budget. If you weren't then maybe you have more options.

    2 years ago
    1 Bump
  • Actual, real Cops say they don't chase these things as it turns out (or at least the Cop who informed me that they don't). It all appears to have been a "Hollywood" fantasy. How about it, has anyone actually seen or heard of a real live chase involving a Jag. I am now looking for links, dash cam video, police records. This is real...this is real....this is..

    2 years ago
    • But I wanted a dramatic getaway. :(

      (apparently in Germany they do roadblocks but I am not sure about "real" chases. Heart broken)

      2 years ago