The Internet's new favorite doorstop: Tesla Cybertruck

I'm genuinely dumbstruck by this thing.

36w ago

4.6K

To open with a "I'm at a loss of words" is ironic because a post needs to have words otherwise it is nothing. When we joke about pickup trucks being simple, we mean that they serve their purpose, and don't need to conform to the same style as other vehicles. Tesla has showed us that one of those rules apply to their Cybertruck.

Obviously its an EV but....why. Just why. I just got done listening to journalists laugh about the grill on the Genesis G90 because of its size, but wait until they get a load of this budget Batmobile that Elon Musk just released to the public. I don't think I've ever been genuinely annoyed by a vehicle's existence, but this thing needs to return to 2077 and someone needs to bankrupt Tesla to make sure that this abomination never reaches the market.

I don't care that it will be more useful than an F-150, or do zero to 60 in under three seconds. WHO IN THEIR RIGHT MIND WOULD SPEND OVER $70,000 ON A GIANT WEDGE?! Literally how did a company like Tesla decide that they needed to make an uglier version of a first generation Honda Ridgeline, and how did people actually approve this thing to create a concept?

I hope people realize that this isn't a "Down with Tesla" post, because I am still genuinely excited for their Semi truck, unless it comes out looking like an escape pod from any 1980's Sci-Fi film. The ATV in the back is pretty cool, but I can't actually fathom that this is something that the world wants.

The Takeaway

I do have to give this thing some credit. Seating for six, a tow rating of 7500 pounds, zero to sixty in 6.5 seconds and a base price of under $40,000 is something almost as otherworldly as this things styling, and I'm sure that fleet owners are chomping at the bit to get this thing plastered with their logos, but I am going to be one of those people that hates this thing until they announce that it will be discontinued, and no amount of falcon-wing doors and flamethrowers are going to change my mind.

If you need me, I'm going to go stare at literally anything else and hope that this thing doesn't haunt my dreams. Comment below with anything that you believe is more appealing than this.

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Comments (14)

  • "I don't care that it will be more useful than an F-150"

    Except it is NOT even more useful than an F-150. At least an F-150 you can access the cargo at the front of the bed area without getting in the bed. At least an F-150 you can put a camper in the Bed, or a Topper on the Bed. You can put a Tonneau cover on an F-150... but you can also take it off. This appears to be built in. If you dent up the bed on your F-150 it can be easily replaced. If you dent up the bed on this, you're in trouble as its Stainless Steel. OUCH. If you need a utility bed, flat bed, cherry picker or some other custom bed on an F-150 no big deal unbolt the bed and install the Cargo area of your choice. If you want those on this, your SOL. It's got a great towing capacity... of course the large trailers that can carry that much are often 5th wheelers. Your not going to be able to tow anything but bumper pull trailers. Even that does it have a receiver hitch? What about front mounted receiver hitch? What about Snow Plows? can that be hooked up to the front? A winch? in the bed or on the front?

    They show it with a Tent, and camping features. Yes nice, and all that can be had for a regular truck. But just curious how many campgrounds have people been to with Super Chargers anywhere near by. And any campground where people that might want to use an ATV would go... generally do not have hook ups of any kind. One of my favorite camping spots is over 80miles off the main road. And no clue how far down that main road is a charger.

    I own a truck, I have owned several trucks. Most my friends and neighbors all own trucks. I know truck buyers. I cannot honestly think of anyone that would see this as a viable truck. There was a question on here a few weeks back to the effect of do people think the CyberTruck would be any good. My answer was that if they do like Honda and try to re-invent the truck it will be a total failure. But if they talk to truck owners, study how people use their trucks and what they need and expect from their truck... maybe it might stand a chance. Clearly they have decided they don't need to know the slightest bit of information about truck owners, and will instead re-invent the truck. I doubt even the Tesla fanboys will be buying this. They will defend it to the hilt... but they will not drop any money on it.

      8 months ago
    • The most well organised rant ever. Loved reading that and thank you for putting light on Tesla’s stupid new iron on wheels

        8 months ago
  • First Tesla/Elon failure IMHO and I am a huge fan of both. I have seen speculation renderings for quite a while and liked the one that looked like the semi truck. I don’t see this angular 80’s retro stealth fighter design making it, unless they do something miraculous like solid state battery introduction. Good luck Mr. Musk I hope you are right and someday I will have a model X, one test drive and I was sold on it!

      8 months ago
  • I think that all of us we agree with this monstruosity

      8 months ago
  • It has no mirrors,no window wipers,no crumple zone, bumpers are too slim ,as are the headlights and the wheels stick out too far.

    It has to undergo major changes to become road legal.

    There isn't a battery pack currently available that offers 500+ miles of range.

    The problem with trucks is that people take them to rural areas like Moab. Where there are no charging points .

    Other than that,it's perfect.

      8 months ago
  • For once we agree on something, Kyle. This is a pickup truck for those who drink the Tesla Koolaid—not for the masses.

      8 months ago
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